Everything You Need To Know About Porn Parodies

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right? Well, in the case of porn parodies, that might not always be the case.

Last week, porn empire Hustler announced they had wrapped production on This Ain’t Girls XXX. Usually when I see any porn advertised as not girl-related, I’m all “hell yeah” *draws blinds* — but to the rest of the male gays out there, pull those pants up. When Larry Flynt and co says “this ain’t girls”, they’re talking a porn parody about the misadventures of everyone’s favourite twenty-somethings on the HBO wunderkind series, Girls.

Cue internet mouth-frothing from all sides!

Take a LONG, HARD Look At The Porn Parody

Porn parodies are nothing new, although over time they have gotten “better” (as in, higher production values), and definitely more lucrative. Back in the day, the parody was a flimsy premise in which standard bedroom/mechanics/poolside sets were replaced by some worse-than-usual backdrops, and a terrible costume department. Perhaps the best (worst?) example of this was 1973’s Bat Pussy, in which a Batman-inspired nympho solves crimes on her back. The budget was so low they couldn’t afford a car, so they make Ms Bat Pussy travel around on a plastic Pilates ball. Certainly gives new meaning to the term hardCORE, ammirite? You guys?

Contrast this with the 2011 release of Batman XXX: A Porn Parody, which also riffed on the classic camp ‘60s TV series. This was a game changer for parodies, with a budget of $100,000 — a lot of money in the porn world. The director hired the actual Batmobile for the shoot, and the only inflated plastic balls where the ones surgically inserted in the chests of the performers. This skin flick “mockbuster” was so successful that it spawned a new studio that exclusively produces superhero porn parodies.

With its ample amounts of fit flesh and a perfect crossover target audience of fanboys, the superhero genre seems an easy target for the porn industry. But it doesn’t stop there. If you can think of a film or TV series that has had any cultural impact, you can bet that there’s a porn parody of it. Movies, sitcoms, dramas, and reality shows are all represented. There are so many live action porno versions of cartoons that your childhood memories are almost guaranteed to be ruined.

“WOULDN’T THAT BODY PAINT JUST RUB OFF?!” I screamed at no-one in particular.

Titular Success Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means

Aside from this new wave of expensive superhero porn, the genius often starts and ends with the title. Very little actual parody takes place, and (shockingly) the filmmakers just use your pre-existing knowledge of a cultural icon to peddle their pun-tastic smut.

Personal favourites include Bi-tanic (“ICEBERG AND AN AWKWARD CONVERSATION AFTERWARDS, DEAD AHEAD!”); The Da Vinci Load (only improved by its sequel: Angels And Semen, also comes in a gay porno version!); The Sopornos (Please God, let them not have cast lookalikes); and finally, A Midsummer Night’s Cream (I’m guessing the performers chose to ignore the classic rules of Shakespearian iambic pentameter when delivering their lines).

Girls… On Film

I like to think I’m a fairly sex-positive individual, but I’m often struck by the presence of attempted comedy within porn. In the (small) amount of time between pressing play and unzipping your pants, do guys really need to have a chuckle? Does watching a pornographic satire of a cultural staple dilute the shame somehow? Is this some ploy to hide the denigration of women by making the premise laughable, and, thus, acceptable?

Also, just how horny are we, that we must dream hardcore sex into everything? While watching Walter White’s gripping journey from dying husband to drug lord impresario in Breaking Bad, are we really thinking “This is so great. Man, I can’t wait to jack it to some dude pretending to be the Dad from Malcolm in the Middle going to town on a porn star playing a meth addict.”? Or, by making light of porn, does it reduce instances of “no homo” if you watch it with other guys? Straight dudes, I’m totally down with the last one, BTW. Let’s all get together and watch The Golden Girls: A XXX MILF Parody and just see what happens.

“But a porn version of Girls,” I hear you say, “Isn’t that show basically a hipster porno anyway?” Well excuse you, prudey. Yes there is a lot of sex in the show: quite truthful, uncompromising sex that is purposeful and, one could argue, political. The nature of the sex between characters on Girls has been oft-talked by the water-coolers of the internet. Creator/writer/performer Lena Dunham bravely places herself in the centre of that sexual expression. I say “bravely” because if you simply Google her name you’ll see the vitriol aimed at her by men, women, and probably some children with very lax parents (“Sure honey, you can watch Girls. Is that like Bratz?” – Bad Dad).

Perhaps this is why the porn parody of Girls has struck a nerve. The collective investment in the show seems to be linked to its truthfulness. The emotional needs and limitations of Hannah, Adam, Marnie et al determine their choice of partner/experience: we cringe and beg them not to do things sometimes, but only because we’ve already made that mistake. The charm of Girls is in the recognition of self. Female, male, gay, straight is (at times) immaterial, because the emotional world is so well constructed it speaks to a deeper truth.

So when you hear that in “This Ain’t Girls XXX”, Porno-Hannah sits on a toilet eating red velvet cake after lezzing out for a few scenes, your can’t help but feel that your emotional investment is being compromised. Dunham herself has expressed discomfort via Twitter, claiming the parody “grosses her out”, as well as pointing out that Girls is a “feminist action” whereas a lot of porn is the opposite.

The Money Shot

This, of course, is no huge revelation. The recurring dilemma with straight porn (in which I also include 99% of “lesbian” porn, created exclusively for straight men) is that inevitably, the female subject is being objectified, regardless of how empowered a performer she may be. Let’s say that for argument’s sake the performer makes the educated decision (as many do) to work in porn, and the sets she works on are full of sex-positive women and men who respect her. Even if at every stage of production and distribution she encounters nothing but equality, at some point her image reaches a screen in which a (male) viewer takes pleasure from her objectification. Basically, boys, your pornos are never really free range.

Dunham’s discomfort at her cultural baby being given a pornographic once-over by knowingly exploitative businessmen is utterly justified. Whether they intended it or not, there is an inherent act of colonisation in Hustler’s appropriation of Girls. There is an obvious difference between an Avengers parody in which someone paints ex-WWF wrestler turned pornstar Chyna bright green and has her wail on Thor’s electric hammer, and a satire of a divisive, intelligent program created by a young, politically minded woman.

All that aside, I think Hustler really missed an opportunity in marketing this porno to the hipster-loving Brooklynophiles of the world. I’d definitely click a link that promised me Hannah’s “full Bushwick”, or the chance to ride Adam’s “L train straight to Bed…ford.” Also, WHY it’s not called This Ain’t Girls XXX starring Lena Done-him, Done-her, Done-themtoo, I’ll never know.

If they’re going to ruin our 21st century hipster Melrose Place, they could at least have done it with more irony — our generation is drowning it it.

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Nic Holas mainly fills his time with the creative management of performance, media, and the arts. His writing has appeared in Hello Mr magazine and Cosmopolitan. You can find him on Twitter @longlivecanapes, or living out his fantasy life as a celebrity attache at utauberkoolja.com.