OK! Tech Billionaires Elon Musk And Mark Zuckerberg Have Agreed To Duel
How is this helpful.
Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk reckon they’re going to fight each other in a cage match, and there’s nothing we can do about that now.
The two billionaires have inexplicably been threatening to duel since Tuesday when Elon Musk declared on Twitter that he’d be “up for a cage match” with Zuckerberg, Meta CEO and noted sunscreen enthusiast. Zuck then responded by posting pictures of the Jiu-Jitsu matches he’s won and the ominous words, “send location”. God. Can’t these two just message privately? The whole thing is bumming me out.
Here’s a clip of Zuck doing some Jiu-Jitsu, and wow, for some reason I absolutely hated this. Enjoy.
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Anyway, a Verge editor then tweeted that Zuckerberg was serious about wanting to duel and was waiting on Musk to send him venue details. Apparently, a Meta spokesperson declared that Zuck’s post “speaks for itself”.
Vegas Octagon
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) June 22, 2023
“Vegas Octagon,” Musk tweeted back, which sounds made-up but is apparently somewhere in Las Vegas. “If this is for real, I will do it,” he confirmed. Perhaps attempting to lighten the mood, he added: “I have this great move that I call ‘The Walrus’, where I just lie on top of my opponent & do nothing.” Haha, I hate it here.
Don’t get me wrong, I will be watching this fight, which I expect will be televised in full. What form will it take, do we think? A Bridgerton-like duel that only kicks off once Zuckerberg slaps Musk with a leather glove? Or something more akin to the fight scene in Bridget Jones’ Diary, which I watch fortnightly for self-care?
We couldn’t say. But what we do know is that this keenness suggests that these tech billionaires, who probably spend most of their time on their laptops, are clearly yearning hard for simpler times — when men hunted for their own food, birthed many young, and fought each other in Las Vegas, I guess.
I mean, there was a year that Zuck only ate meat that he had hunted and killed with a bow and arrow — he even served former Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey a goat for dinner. (Dorsey described it as “cold”.)
He’s since stop hunting his own meat, which is probably for the best. I don’t know guys, I have a feeling that billionaires aren’t going to save the world.