‘Eldritch Taylor Swift’ Is Your New Favourite Cross Between T-Swift Pop Bangers And Pure Lovecraftian Horror

Dark Twitter is the absolute hands-down best part of that degenerate website, and if you disagree I’ll meet you behind the bike sheds after school to settle this for good, dweeb. Accounts like Dread Singles and DAN REGULAR GUY take familiar internet tropes like ‘Hot Singles In Your Area’ or ‘This Woman Makes $10,000 A Month From Home’ and reimagine them as snippets out of some horrific nightmare universe from which there is no escape. It is so great.

HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA, ROBED IN HISSING SHADOWS, FERAL SCYTHES HELD READY, CROONING AT YOUR KEYHOLE, IT’S A LOVE STORY BABY JUST SAY YES

— Dread Singles (@hottestsingles) May 1, 2015

COME OUTSIDE. THERES A FREE XXL CHALUPA AND A LARGE BAJA BLAST MOUNTAIN DEW. UNLOCK YOUR DOOR. ITS IN THE WOODS. pic.twitter.com/PrQ2VAYn — DAN REGULAR GUY (@notadroneirl) February 12, 2013

The men without eyes may approach you for a thought-scan. If you do not resist, you will be given a colorful and fun sticker.

— Approved News 7 (@ApprovedNews7) February 28, 2015

But young adult fiction author Riley Redgate might have come up with the best one of all. Eldritch T-Swift tweaks Taylor Swift’s lyrics and general aesthetic with a healthy dash of Lovecraftian-brand mindfuck horror, and the end result is truly, truly wonderful.

i knew you were trouble when you slithered in, skinless and ravening — Eldritch T-Swift (@EldritchSwift) May 2, 2015

we are never, ever, ever—even after the trees shrug off their bark, revealing the mottled flesh beneath—getting back together

— Eldritch T-Swift (@EldritchSwift) May 9, 2015

i stay out too late. got nothing in my brain. except for all the worms. that’s what people say, mmm-mmm — Eldritch T-Swift (@EldritchSwift) May 2, 2015

Eldritch T-Swift is still in early days, but it’s racked up nearly 4,000 followers in just over a week. Turns out the Venn diagram measuring “fans of sugary pop jams” and “fans of gazing into the infinite eyeless void” has a surprisingly large overlap! The more you learn.

you got that james dean daydream look in all 83 of your eyes

— Eldritch T-Swift (@EldritchSwift) May 6, 2015

i’ll bet she’s beautiful, that girl he talks about. i’ll bet her exoskeleton is even stronger and glossier than my own

— Eldritch T-Swift (@EldritchSwift) May 4, 2015

haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate. behold the book of fate fate fate fate fate. the words burn my eyes. the final page stops midsentence

— Eldritch T-Swift (@EldritchSwift) May 2, 2015

If you’re not the Twitter type there’s an accompanying Tumblr where you can keep up with Taylor’s apocalyptic musings. If you’re not the pop-sensations-oozing-dark-truths-from-their-eyes type, there is very little for you here. Flee, traveller.

she wears high heels; all my feet are bare. she's cheer captain, and i live deep under the bleachers, watching, my mandibles gently clicking

— Eldritch T-Swift (@EldritchSwift) May 2, 2015