Eight Reasons Not To Give Up On True Blood

This is a recap! That means SPOILERS!

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Last night, Foxtel saw the return of the once-great vampire series True Blood, for their sixth season — two hours after it debuted on HBO in the States. And it delivered yet another whack to the system: with a bloodied uber-vamp taking over Bon Temps and the body of Sookie’s ex-honey, Bill Compton.

While many gave up on True Blood when the wolves got involved and everything got a little too Twilight-threesome-wolf-vs-vamp hump session, this show may still be able to fill that Game Of Thrones-shaped hole in your Monday nights.

Especially if you’re looking for insane plotlines (read: Billith), bloody sex scenes, strained southern accents, and gratuitous butt shots of Alexander Skarsgård.

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1. There’s Still The Same Amount Of Sex And Boobs As Season One, And Even More Bush:

Let’s face it: Bill and Sookie were the original Robb Stark and Lady Talisa. Their sex scenes were the talking point of the town/Tumblr, and their love was seemingly everlasting.

Until Bill went evil, and Sookie started hanging out with Signor Butt-Cheeks.

Yep, True Blood‘s showrunners still love the boobs: pack-leader and facial hair aficionado Alcide got his very own werewolf threesome this week.

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2. Billith!

Billith showed up at the end of last season and scared the crap out of everyone by dying and then rising from his blood as an ancient demon being. Bill covered in blood and strutting around Bon Temps naked is ridiculous enough — but the idea of a billion-year-old vamp finding a home in the body of a Sookie-crazed uber-vamp is even better.

Also he can fly now?

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3. Pam!

Pam remains the saving grace of this show, and she takes shit from nobody. Even though she’s still Eric’s puppydog lackey, and hates on Sookie’s precious fairy vagina 24/7, she wins for totally making Tara a less whiney, kind-of adorably romantic character. (They’re lesbi-vamps together now!)

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4. Jessica Stands By Her Bill:

In gross news, Billith summons Jessica and she starts throwing up blood.

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5. There’s A New Sheriff In Town:

Another power hungry politician trying to force his anti-vamp agenda down the throats of the Louisianan people. I’m anticipating a very, very bloody death for this fellow, or a twist involving a new species of supernatural creature. Maybe he’s a mermaid?

Either way, if history serves us right, he won’t last too long.

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6. There Are No More Witch Bitches — But Fairies Are Everywhere:

They backed off on that whole witch storyline that totally slowed down all of season four, thank Billith. But Andy Bellefleur had a million (well, four) half human/half fairy babies with some lady last season, and now he’s trying to be a daddy.

Would anyone be totally into a Three Men And A Baby-style parenting show with Andy, Arlene and Terry? Or is it just me?

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7. Warlo’s Out There:

We got a hint at who might be Warlo, the ancient vampire Sookie’s ancestors promised her to, last night — and if he’s this mysterious gentleman who picks up a hitchhiking Jason Stackhouse, then he’s closer than ever. Spooky!

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8. Sookie + Eric 4eva:

Yes, Sookie is the most annoying character on television, but Eric still totally loves her and it’s adorable and why can’t they just be together?

Oh right, it’s dangerous and he’s got his sexy sister hanging around. There’s still hope for Sookie though: Eric and Nora’s relationship is getting less and less like a Cercei/Jaime thing, and more of a Boone/Shannon thing now.

Do yourself a favour and revisit this series. You’ve got nothing better to do, right?

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Beck Russo is permanently glued to her computer screen. She presents Sunday Sweets on SYN FM and writes about music for Tone Deaf. She tweets about her monotonous day job @BeckRusso.