We Need To Talk About How Homoerotic Doubles Luge Is
It's Winter Olympics time, which means everyone is once again obsessed with doubles luge.
We are all intimately familiar with the Winter Olympic Luge event, but what if I told you that there was an even more homoerotic upgrade known as Doubles Luge?
Doubles Luge replicates the pure athleticism of singles luge with one key difference, there is simply another person also on the titular luge. Instead of just having one person lying flat on their back to hurtle down a slope of ice at speeds of 140 km/h, there are two. And they lay on top of one another to do so.
Who wins and loses any luge event is determined by speed. Luge athletes achieve maximum speed by staying as flat as possible to minimise wind resistance. Speed becomes extra challenging in the doubles event due to weight and weight distribution on top of minimising wind resistance. This is why the athletes lie flat on top of one another to minimize resistance, which is absolutely what I’ll tell people if I’m ever walked in on after a date.
In doubles luge, since the bottom can’t see the track, it’s the duty of the top to guide them both safely through the track to victory. Famous former bottom luger Adam Sherk told USA Today in 2018, “Being a bottom man, I can’t see anything going down the track. I have to rely on Justin’s [his top teammate] to do anything.”
I’m sure plenty of queer folks can relate.
I feel like this event was born out of a lie that got out of hand.. pic.twitter.com/JFFpWvtjzq
— mnrrntt (@mnrrntt) February 11, 2022
Wait…there a *double* luge event?
Who was the first one to say “you know what would make this better – another dude laying right on top of the first dude”? pic.twitter.com/kJd8ziYFgo
— MN Up North Lake Guy (@MNUpNorthLakeG1) February 10, 2022
men want to hug each other so bad they will invent the double luge
— three steaks pam (@alexandrakuri) February 9, 2022
For every 10 likes I’ll double the number of dudes on the luge pic.twitter.com/DPZY5L9tLo
— nancy dasilva (@CountDaSilva) February 14, 2022
Men’s double luge has to top my list of strangest Winter #Olympics sports. There’s literally two guys on top of each other in that sled. pic.twitter.com/Vr3gz2BwT6
— Adrian Castellano (@AdrianWVTM13) February 9, 2022
Because let’s be real, what is more, homoerotic than a top and bottom in tight colorful outfits putting their lives in one another’s laps, and lying on top of one another in a life-risking activity where ultimately the key to winning is minimizing exposure to resistance? Nothing. This level of homoeroticism in athletics makes the Spartans seem like a bunch of Chads.
In all seriousness, doubles luge is a high-risk prestigious winter Olympic sport that I myself would die of fright if I was even asked to partake in. Hats off to Tobias Wendl and Tobias Arlt of Germany who won gold in this powerfully homoerotic event last week.
For more luge action, get into it below:
Photo Credit: Julian Finney, Adam Pretty, Getty