Don’t Underestimate A Kid Who Cares
Being young often means that you’re underestimated. People think you’re too inexperienced, too immature to face challenging life lessons — but what happens when the universe deals you a hand of adult cards anyway?
Lucas is 19 and has been clutching these cards for as long as he can remember. He had to grow up way faster than his friends, and quickly adapt to a role that terrified him pretty much every moment of every day.
On some level, Lucas says that he’s been caring for his older brother, diagnosed with Autism, for his entire life — but it was when Lucas started high school that he became more involved in caring for his mum too.
“You don’t really have kids and expect them to take up a role as a carer,” Lucas tells Junkee. “Mum had just gotten out of a physically abusive relationship. And there were times where she couldn’t step up to the role… she was having her own mental health issues. So I really had to step in as essentially, the parent of the house.”
Lucas notes the emotional damage that he incurred at a young age, as a result of taking up a carer relationship with his mum.
“I was there during. I saw it happen,” he recalls. “I struggle with post traumatic stress disorder and anxiety. My mother has post traumatic stress disorder, depression and chronic migraines, and my brother has autism. So when I’m having a PTSD attack, or [mum] is going through a depressive episode, my brother’s having a meltdown, and I’m having, well, an anxiety attack.”
When Lucas is speaking about all of this, he dwells for a moment, “Sometimes it’s hard to kind of pull myself out of that state of mind and realise that it’s time to get to work. And it’s time to be a carer. Something kind of clicks. And you don’t even notice it happening. It just kind of, to put it bluntly, switches off so you can be the carer. So essentially you set it aside and come back to it later.”
“It doesn’t really come to mind that not everyone’s doing this. It just feels so natural to be a carer and you don’t really think about it until you’re sitting down with friends and explaining how you do so much for your family, and they say, ‘wait, we didn’t have to do that.’ And you realise this is more than just being a supportive family member.”
Lucas shares that while he may have to explain his role in his family to people so that they understand, he wants to. He wants more people to know that caring for your family, especially caring for a parent, is something that’s not so uncommon.
“There’s so many people fulfilling a role as a carer and people often don’t even realise it. And [that’s] because the carer role has a stigma. You think, a nurse. And the role of a carer isn’t always that. Carers are like snowflakes – every snowflake is unique in their own way,” Lucas tells Junkee: “When you pick up on it, it really opens your eyes to the world around you. You realise so many people are in that caring role.”
Growing up quickly and stepping into a role that you weren’t prepared for can be incredibly scary — Lucas knows this better than anyone — but it can also teach you a lot of things about yourself and really begin to carve out your identity.
“I am diagnosed with ASD [Autism Spectrum Disorder], but being a carer has helped me pick up on social cues a bit better. I am good at pattern recognition. If I see something happening that has turned into something negative before, I feel like I pick up on that easier,” Lucas says, reflecting for a moment. “Sometimes it’s going to get dark but being a carer has taught me to push through and persevere.”
Lucas tells us his strength isn’t a solo mission; the support of The Carers Network was instrumental in feeling like he had a safe place to land.
“The Carers Network has given me so much in terms of support. It’s like I have a whole new worldview. It helped show me that I’m not the only one that’s caring for not only their family, not just their brother, but also their, their own parents. It showed me that I’m not alone.”
The Young Carer Bursary Program supports young carers to continue with their education and reduce their need to undertake paid work at the same time as their study and caring duties. If this sounds like you, you may be eligible for a Young Carers Bursary of $3,768 to help you continue your studies. Visit www.youngcarersnetwork.com.au today.
Editor’s note: This piece is an unbiased editorial piece, but we do have commercial partnerships with Carers Australia