Culture

The Most Cursed Things That Actually Happened in 2021

From IKEA's bisexual couch, to Chet Hanks' White Boy Summer, to the twerking navy dancers, what a year it's been.

by Michelle Rennex  21 December 2021
Cursed 2021 moments

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There’s no denying that 2021 has been a truly cursed year.

Between COVID-19 flinging not one, but two variants our way, to the far-right storming the US Capitol six days into the new year, to Gladys Berejiklian getting embroiled in a corruption scandal because of a bad ex, to Prince Philip finally kicking the bucket after years of speculation — a lot happened this year.

But alongside the serious news that stopped the world, there were some cursed moments that gave us all a good laugh, too.

So, here’s a reminder of all the most cursed moments of 2021 that you probably tried to forget:

Twerking At The Naval Base

One of the most baffling moments of the year was when the Defence Force hired the ‘101 Doll Squadron’ dance squad to twerk during the official commissioning ceremony to name the HMAS Supply.

The dance routine made headlines as angry conservatives slammed it for being “disrespectful” and  “inappropriate”, which led to the troupe hitting back at the ABC for their “deceptive editing” that implied dignitaries were present for their pre-ceremony routine.

The Giant Ship Stuck In The Suez Canal

While it feels like it happened a lifetime ago, the 400-metre Ever Given container ship only got stuck in the tiny Suez Canal back in March. As the ship was on its way to Rotterdam, Netherlands high winds and a dust storm knocked the ship off course and wedged the boat sideways in the narrow canal.

Unfortunately as the canal was a major shipping route with 12 percent of seaborne trade using the channel, it was estimated that around $400 million was lost each hour as deliveries were delayed. But it wasn’t all bleak: the big boat in the tiny canal launched memes for weeks and gave us all a much needed distraction from COVID.

Gladys Berejiklian Fan Art

Before Premier Gladys Berejiklian was pulled into a corruption scandal, people in NSW were stanning Daddy Gladdy with the most cursed “fan art” imaginable.

After she jokingly became TikTok’s new hero thanks to activities like COVID bingo with the former NSW Premier’s blazer colours and case numbers, over 123 people created fan art of Gladdy B to pass the time in lockdown and beyond.

The Conservative Claiming Steroids Give You Acrylic Nails

One of the biggest scandals of the Tokyo Olympics was when Sha’Carri Richardson was suspended from the games after testing positive for marijuana when she blitzed through the 100-metre sprint trials.

After sharing that she had smoked weed in a legal state when she learned that her birth mother had died, Richardson accepted the penalty and withdrew from the games.

But apparently, gracefully accepting the consequences of testing positive for marijuana wasn’t enough for some people, like Australian journalist Claire Lehmann who implied the sprinter was using steroids because *checks notes* she had orange extensions and *checks notes again* long acrylic nails.

“Not sure whether the nails are real or fake, but in case you didn’t know very strong nails and hair can be a side effect of steroid use,” Claire Lehmann tweeted. “Look, people in track know who is and who isn’t on the ‘roids. Just because they couldn’t ping her on it doesn’t mean they don’t know.”

“The fact that [Sha’Carri Richardson] has accepted the one-month ban for marijuana and is not fighting to go to the Olympics means that is likely more to the story, in my opinion.”

A Cover Band Pissing On A Dude’s Face Mid-Concert

For reasons that make little to no sense, a member of a Rage Against The Machine Cover Band pissed a random’s face on stage last month.

Yup, Sophia Urista, lead singer of Brass Against, pissed on a fan’s head in the middle of her Welcome To Rockville festival set. I guess the one silver lining of this horrific story is that Urista at least got consent before she urista-ed all over the keen punter in front of a highly confused crowd.

The ‘Truly Madly Deeply’ Food Delivery Jingle

Darren Hayes has likely gotten a whole lot of weird offers for takes on the Savage Garden hit ‘Truly Madly Deeply’, but none were quite as chaotic and cursed as a food delivery jingle he was pitched in August.

Unsurprisingly, after changing the lyrics to some truly cursed food-related lines like “I want to stand with you on food mountain/I want to float with you in some cheese”, none of the delivery companies of Australia owned up to being the ones to pitch this terrible idea.

But considering Hayes shared the lyrics to Twitter in a now-deleted tweet and told fans “if you knew how much money I turn down and how hard I fight to protect your high school memories”, we can safely assume the remix was canned for the sake of our sanity.

Jock Zonfrillo’s Chaotic Good Weekend Feature

JOCK Zonfrillo Memoir Good Weekend Masterchef

In August, Jock Zonfrillo spoke to Good Weekend’s Tim Elliott to promote his new book, Last Shot — or so he thought. Unfortunately for the MasterChef judge, Elliott ended up unravelling all the alleged lies Zonfrillo told in his memoir instead.

After speaking to a number of the people mentioned in the book, Elliott found that former colleagues actually think Zonfrillo is a “famous bullshit artist” with his mentor Marco Pierre White (who is mentioned 159 times in the book) claiming most of what the chef says about their relationship is simply untrue.

In the feature, Elliott also revealed that former colleagues questioned the stories Zonfrillo wrote regarding his addiction while on the job. Oh, and Elliott made sure to focus on the fact that Zonfrillo literally lit his apprentice on fire without any real accountability and kept “visiting” indigenous communities when elders told him to leave. Truly chaotic stuff.

The “Real Italian” Countertop Spaghetti

There have been quite a few questionable food “trends” this year, but the concept of smearing food over kitchen counters and directly onto tables has to be the worst one.

One absolutely horrifying meal created in this trend was the ‘Ultimate Spaghetti Trick’ that saw spaghetti and meatballs slapped down onto a kitchen counter by the Facebook couple page ‘John and Lisa’.

In the cursed viral video, Lisa shared her “family style” pasta recipe that featured packet pasta, pre-made jars of sauce and powdered “parmesan” cheese. Lisa even claimed that serving spaghetti directly on counters is exactly how “real Italians” do it. LIES.

Chet Hanks’ White Boy Summer

Moving on from his Patois era, Chet Hanks came back fresh in 2021 to claim that this year was going to a be a ‘White Boy Summer’, AKA WBS, which is a whole pandemic in itself.

Speaking on his Instagram story, Hanks felt the need to “tap in really quick” to tell his fans that he “just got this feeling, man, that this summer… it’s about to be a White Boy Summer”. Thankfully, Chet Hanks clarified that he definitely did NOT mean a “Trump… NASCAR-type white” but more of a “me, Jon B, Jack Harlow-type White Boy Summer”.

Adding to his initial announcement, Hanks shared his “rules and regs” for WBS that included no plaid shirts, boat shoes, salmon-colour clothing, or dad hats. Hanks also added a number of rules that outlawed white boys calling women “smoke shows”, getting into people’s personal space when drunk, and any activities that didn’t give out “good vibes towards everybody”.

Even though Chet Hanks ended up dropping a cursed White Boy Summer anthem and music video, the concept of WBS was actually quite wholesome. And, to be honest, the bad Hanks son was actually sorta right — Jack Harlow did take over this summer.

The Daily Telegraph’s Eshay Guide

Sure, eshays are cursed, but even worse is The Daily Telegraph creating an “Eshay Guide” for parents worried about their children falling into bad groups because of the “rise of antisocial behaviour among youths and kids apparently dressed like eshays”.

Apparently the sudden surge of eshays in the Northern Beaches where kids were being “rolled for their clothes and trainers” was enough for the newspaper to create ‘What Is An Eshay: Warning Signs Parents Should Look Out For‘.

“Parents fear an increasing number of teenagers in middle-class areas are dressing and acting like eshays, a term first coined in the 1980s to describe lower-class youths in public housing who intimidate, rob, and boast about drug use,” reported Cross, clearly never having encountered an actual eshay in her life.

“They sometimes carry weapons and use crime to fund their drug use, often videoing and posting their antics on TikTok or other social media channels.”

Offering a warning to concerned parents, the article suggested that parents should keep an eye out for their kids “developing a sudden fixation with wearing designer brands such as Ralph Lauren and Nautica”.

Thankfully Dr Terry Goldsworthy, an Associate Professor of Criminology and former detective inspector of 28 years, had some calming words for worried parents to close out the guide: “Like any subculture, today’s eshay will be tomorrow’s nerd.”

IKEA’s Bisexual Couch

I know that you’ve probably packed the memory of the hand-covered bisexual couch from IKEA deep into your mind, but it’s time to remember the cursed monstrosity one last time.

In July, IKEA launched the ‘Love Seats’ collection that featured 10 couch covers “inspired by the colours of different Pride flags” that included the transgender, pansexual, bisexual, lesbian, nonbinary, genderfluid, asexual, progress, and two-spirit flags.

While each design was unique and special, one couch really stood out above the rest: the bisexual couch. Why, I hear you ask? Well the bisexual couch was bright purple, covered in ominous pink and blue handprints, featured 3D arms reaching out in place of armrests, and had the message “Nobody believes you” printed on the right cushion.

While there was a sweet story behind the bisexual couch, nobody could quite get over just how horrifying the final result ended up being.

The Government’s Milkshake Ad

As part of the Respect Matters education program, the Australian Government commissioned ‘The Good Society’ to create a number of videos to discuss the importance of consent. The issue? The videos sucked. Bad.

In particular, a video titled ‘Moving The Line’ that was aimed at Year 10 to 12 students used milkshakes to speak in metaphors and innuendos instead of just providing useful information to Aussie teens who are capable of understanding and processing information.

In the video, a girl smeared a milkshake all over her boyfriend’s face to demonstrate the “action zone”? Which is meant to show the importance of getting consent before doing something? Despite never actually mentioning sex in the video or even using the word consent? Honestly, nothing makes sense.

But aren’t we glad the government spent $3.8 million on it!

Guy Sebastian Apologising For Encouraging Vaccination

Guy Sebastian back-pedalling on his support of the Vax The Nation campaign that encouraged Aussies to get vaccinated to “stop the interruptions” in the live music industry is honestly one of the most baffling things that happened this year.

Clearly trying to pander to his anti-vax fans and play both sides, Sebastian apologised for posting about the campaign because it was done without his “direct involvement”, adding that he would “never, ever tell people what to do when it comes to their personal health choice”.

His argument was just very weird when The Voice coach has been an ambassador for Nature’s Way Kids Smart VITA Gummies throughout 2021 and spoke about his desperation to be vaccinated earlier in the year.

Regardless, Sebastian stuck to his guns despite waves of criticism from radio host Ray Hadley and artists like Urthboy and Ben Lee, stating “I have given my reasons but if [you] want to believe in another narrative, I can’t change that”.

And Kyle Sandilands Unexpectedly Becoming A Pro-Vax Hero

Sometimes cursed things can actually be good and that’s exactly what Kyle Sandilands proved this year when he unexpectedly became Australia’s pro-vaccination hero.

While Guy Sebastian flip-flopped on his vax views in an attempt to be everything to everyone all at once, Sandilands was calling for people to get vaccinated with a (very good) vax anthem called ‘Get Vaxxed Baby’.

In the video, Sandilands simply and clearly explains the benefits of a vaccinated population and lowkey shits on anti-vax conspiracy theorists with lines like “Lay down your tinfoil hats and just get vaxxed”.

Beyond the radio host now being a pro-vax hero, don’t forget Kyle Sandilands also banned Dominic Perrottet from being a guest on his show simply because he didn’t like his “vibe”. Iconic.

Michelle Rennex is a senior writer at Junkee. She tweets at @michellerennex.