A Cow Named Slide Escaped A Slaughterhouse And Celebrated By Going Down A Hotel Water Slide

We’ve had a lot of Cow Content™️ crop up over the years and it’s always been good fun. But I don’t think there’s ever been Friday news more chaotic than a cow celebrating his escape from a slaughterhouse by wandering into a hotel and voluntarily going down a water slide.

Remember Knickers the unbelievably large cow and Lil’ Bill the very tiny one? Or how about the chill cows who were majestically airlifted over the Swiss Alps? Well, if you enjoyed those bovines, let me introduce you to the icon that is Slide, the water slide-riding cow.

You see, in Brazil, around 800km west of Rio de Janeiro, a cow reportedly escaped from imminent slaughter on a cattle ranch and wound up in nearby Nova Granada hotel.

To celebrate evading death by simply walking off the ranch, the cow voluntarily hopped onto a water slide and shuffled down it on his knees — and yes, there’s footage.

While not captured in the video posted by Brazilian outlet Diário da Região, local news site G1 reported that the cow eventually made it to the end of the slide and plopped into the water with the help of a man and a rope. But fear not cow lovers, the cow was pulled to the surface of the water and was eventually removed from the pool back to the safety of dry land.

Weirdly, a rep for the hotel said the cow’s cheeky dip was not the first time an animal that size had come onto pool grounds, but it was definitely the first one that found its way onto the slide. And despite the water slide having a 205kg weight limit, the cow’s 320kg body somehow didn’t make the plastic collapse under his weight. Skinny legend!

“The animal didn’t die, it’s just cleaner,” joked João Luiz Andrade Zevole, a representative for Nova Granada hotel. “The animal was a little hot, he wanted to swim and use the water slide, that’s all.”

My life in a nutshell https://t.co/1S0P6HVWCp

— Julia Song (@realjuliasong) November 13, 2021

But in a positive end to a truly baffling story, the cow’s owner allegedly decided to spare the bovine once they got him off the slide and out of the water.

Becoming a family pet, the owner apparently even named the cow Tobogã — which means slide in Portuguese — in honour of his impressive poolside adventures.

I don’t know about you but I really do stan Slide, the water slide-riding cow.