I Regret To Inform You That Porn Searches For Mrs. Claus Increase By 400 Percent At Christmas
Santa might only come once a year, but apparently Mrs. Claus doesn't.
For a lot of people, Christmas is the time of year for family, good food and lazing around. But the horny beasts of the world apparently only have one thing on their mind: Mrs. Claus porn.
Yep, according to Pornhub’s very own statisticians “Mrs. Claus is at the very top of the naughty list” with searches for Santa’s wife skyrocketing by 401 percent on Christmas Day.
According to the stats shared with Junkee, Mrs. Claus actually isn’t the only Christmas icon porn aficionados search for during the festive season either. Following right after Santa’s wife is Santa himself with a 374 percent increase, then the terms ‘Elf’, ‘xxxmas’, ‘Christmas orgy’, and ‘elf hentai’.
To be honest, all the Christmas-related porn interest is actually not all that surprising when you consider how horny every singer seems to be in modern Christmas songs.
Ariana Grande basically just really, really wants to fuck Santa Claus in ‘Santa Tell Me’, Liam Payne’s ‘Naughty List’ is all about landing on Saint Nick’s bad list because “Santa saw the things we did”, and Wham!’s ‘Last Christmas’ is really just a song about a man sooking over the fact that he was fucking a girl during the last holiday season, but isn’t anymore.
So it’s pretty clear that Christmas and sex seem to go pretty hand in hand, which is unfortunate for poor Mrs. Claus.
The three genres of Christmas song are Jesus, winter, and horny for Santa
— beatle apologist ⚛️? (@chrisfogIe) December 20, 2021
While trying to uncover how exactly Santa’s old-ass wife became a Christmas sex symbol, Dhvani Solani from VICE actually spoke to the co-founder of a porn production studio to understand the appeal of in porn based on an old granny aged somewhere between 229 and 1,139-years-old.
“I’m not sure who created the idea of a sexy Mrs. Claus,” Lee Roy Myers, cofounder of the porn production studio WoodRocket, told VICE.
“But it makes sense to me that porn helped push the Mrs. Claus Loves the White & Jizzy Stuff narrative the same way that Coca-Cola pushed the Santa Loves the Brown & Fizzy Stuff narrative. Horny Mrs. Claus sells stuff.”
“The Mrs. Claus character is the gift that Christmas gives to porn,” Myers continued. “And Mrs. Claus fucking is the Christmas gift that porn gives to the world.”
Perhaps Myers is right and people really do just buy into the concept of festive porn, or maybe it’s just men with serious mommy issues who froth at the mouth over the MILF vibes Santa’s wife gives off.
But a quick search on Pornhub shows just how easily people can be sucked into the idea of a sexy, MILF-y Mrs. Claus.
‘Mrs. Claus Caught Cheating On Santa When Woken From Sex Dream’, ‘Mrs. Claus Jumps On Santa’s Dick For Christmas’, and ‘Mrs. Claus Fucks A Naughty Elf On Christmas Night’ are just some of the many, many Christmas-related porn clips on Pornhub.
MRS CLAUS IS A MILF AND SANTA DOESNT DESERVE HER
— Pumpkin Tits? (@kelly_beans193) November 26, 2021
However despite how wild these porn titles may sound, Gwen Adora — an adult content creator who often cosplays as Santa’s wife — told VICE that Mrs. Claus is actually a feminist icon as she is “one of the few representations of fat women in fictional media that is positive”.
“Mrs. Claus’ media transformation in and of itself makes her lore drip feminine power,” Adora told Solani. “Going from a simple matronly lady to a hot and horned up MILF figure has really given her confidence and self-ownership.”
“Personally, I love the idea that she’s cucking Santa when he’s out enjoying other people’s milk.”
So, um, yeah. There you have it. People just really like watching Mrs. Claus fuck as a Christmas treat.
Image Credit: Anssi Koskinen/Wikimedia Commons
