I recently read an article about the term ‘orbiting’, and it made me realise dating culture has some problems.

Orbiting is when someone stops talking to you (see: ghosting) but still likes the occasional post and watches the occasional story, hence staying in your orbit (pretty much a lazier version of breadcrumbing). (We even wrote about it here.)

A half-assed attempt to keep up with someone you had a fling with doesn’t deserve its own name. Nor does ignoring someone because you can’t bring yourself to break things off with them.

Modern dating terms are just lazy, passive, and manipulative — and should be called out as such.

Stop Validating This Behaviour

Plenty of new words have entered the lexicon as a result of online dating. We now swipe right on things we like, people become “Facebook official”, and some of us have to endure the horror of fuckbois texting us.

But not everything online-dating related needs to be compartmentalised and named. Anything that manipulates another person’s feelings, is a direct result of poor communication, or is simply lazy, shouldn’t have the validation of its own term.

You’re not being ghosted — that person has lost interest and is too weak to say so. You’re not being stashed — that person is using you. You’re not being breadcrumbed — someone thinks they can manipulate you just enough to have you whenever they want.

Naming Shitty Dating Trends Makes Them Acceptable

When occasional liking becomes orbiting, it becomes concrete. Which, in a way, makes it more acceptable.

You can’t see someone’s shitty behaviour for what it is when it’s hidden behind slang. “Yeah, we’re not talking much at the moment but he’s still orbiting me.”

Uh, no — they’re just being rude. When someone just goes silent on you, you may end up giving them another chance instead of calling bullshit on them.

You Can’t Stop Them From Ghosting, But You Can Stop Standing For It

The orbiters, stashers, and ghosters are going to keep doing their thing, but you don’t have to put up with it. Nothing calls out a former flame’s orbiting or breadcrumbing like a DM that says ‘Mate, are you fucking interested or not?’

Failing that, there’s always the block button. These people don’t want to put any effort into your relationship but still want you around when it’s convenient to them. You need to be the one to cut them off.

The best thing you can do if you find yourself in any of these situations is to remember your worth and decide what you want. If there’s an obvious imbalance in benefits and interest in the relationship, it’s time to call bullshit.

And stop giving it a cutesy name: they’re an asshole. End of story.

(Lead image: Grown-ish/abc)