Culture

British Prime Minister David Cameron May Or May Not Have Stuck His Dick In A Dead Pig’s Mouth

He probably didn't. But he hasn't SAID he didn't.

by Alex McKinnon  21 September 2015

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In the pilot episode of the UK drama series Black Mirror, the British Prime Minister is forced to save the life of a member of the royal family by giving in to her kidnapper’s one demand: that he go on live television, and have sex with a pig.

That episode was meant to be a commentary on our collective addiction to distraction and the dubious ethics of an all-powerful media, but given what’s coming out of England at the moment it’s probably going to be remembered more for its predictive qualities.

The Daily Mail (admittedly not the world’s most sober newspaper) has published an exclusive sneak peek into an upcoming tell-all biography of Prime Minister David Cameron. Written by senior Conservative Party figure Lord Ashcroft, Call Me Dave promises to reveal uncomfortable and embarrassing details about Cameron’s infamously privileged younger years, as well as details of Cameron’s time in opposition and government.

Besides fairly prosaic stories of the young Cameron smoking weed and generally being an uber-wealthy Tory numpty, an unnamed source in the book alleges Cameron was a member of a glorified frat boy’s club at Oxford called the Piers Gaveston. The source claims that at an initiation ceremony for the club, the future Prime Minister of Great Britain “inserted a private part of his anatomy” into a dead pig’s mouth, because rich English people are fucked up.

The good people of Britain have reacted to the news much as you’d expect.

Now, obviously this needs a bit of clarification: there is no proof that UK Prime Minister David Cameron stuck his dick in a pig’s mouth. UK Prime Minister David Cameron probably did not stick his dick in a pig’s mouth. So far, only one person — who refuses to be named — has alleged that UK Prime Minister David Cameron stuck his dick in a pig’s mouth, although that person has managed to have that claim published in a fairly exhaustive biography of Cameron, which now includes the claim that he stuck his dick in a pig’s mouth.

That said, UK Prime Minister David Cameron has not yet denied that he stuck his dick in a pig’s mouth. One would think that, if one were accused of sticking one’s dick in a pig’s mouth, one would do everything feasible to ensure the voting public of Britain that one had not, in fact, stuck one’s dick in a pig’s mouth.

This fact has also been noted by the good people of England.

Presumably at some point, Prime Minister David Cameron will be forced to clarify that he has never stuck his dick in a pig’s mouth. We await the Prime Minister’s response.