Bridget Jones And Colin Firth Are Divorced In The New ‘Bridget Jones’s Baby’ Trailer And Love Is Dead

I know the thing you’re supposed to focus on with the new Bridget Jones movie is that she’s having a baby — that’s why it’s called Bridget Jones’s Baby. But the first trailer for the upcoming movie, released this morning, raises a few questions that are way more important than anything to do with babies. Babies are tiny angry idiots and I hate them. Down with babies.

A Bridget Jones movie should have two things: everlasting love with a severely emotionally repressed Colin Firth, and aggressive make-out sessions with Hugh Grant. That’s it. That’s a Bridget Jones movie.

This new Bridget Jones movie could quite possibly have neither of those two vitally important things. For one, there is no Hugh Grant. This movie contains precisely zero (0) Hugh Grants.

His character’s been replaced with this creature:

Now clearly you could aggressively make out with this person. That’s a given. But a Bridget Jones movie without Hugh Grant is like a McDonald’s running out of hash browns — I am in this sordid, regretful place to fulfil one specific need, and you are adding insult to my pain.

Even worse, at the end of the second movie Bridget Jones had the everlasting-love-with-Colin-Firth thing wrapped up. Sorted. She landed her emotionally stunted British man — that’s as close to true happiness as you can get in a country run by a man who may or may not have had intimate dealings with a severed pig’s head.

But in this new instalment, they’re divorced! Instead of haltingly revealing his feelings in a clipped British accent, they exchange awkward pleasantries at someone else’s wedding and make vague, polite noises at each other. How could you divorce this sad, cow-eyed man? Look at his little face!

Here’s your dumb movie. Love is dead.

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Bridget Jones’s Baby is in theatres later this year.