Bono Is Named As ‘Woman Of The Year’ As 2016 Embraces Self-Parody

Are you ready for some-mind bending meta-narrative? Well get ready, folks, because Bono has today been named one of Glamour‘s Women of the Year for 2016. Yep. YEP.

Thank the gods Glamour is here to address that age-old imbalance: men of the world (particularly influential rock icons) never win awards! There are just no awards exclusively for, or dominated by, men. WHERE ARE THE MENZ AWARDS, CRUEL WORLD?! Clearly a man finally needed to win an award that is specifically meant to reward the hard work and resilience of women. Phew, glad we fixed that!

Bono won "Woman of the Year" and Wonder Woman is a UN ambassador. If only there were real, live, human women to celebrate.

— Melissa Royle (@melissaroyle) November 2, 2016

If Bono is woman of the year, I declare myself the greatest member of famous rock band U2.

— Resident Kweeva (@kwoovo) November 1, 2016

I thought peak Bono was him hacking our phones with his garbage album.

But it appears I was wrong.

— Vann R. Newkirk II (@fivefifths) November 2, 2016

In a piece by Christiane Amanpour, which bravely answers the question: How much insipid humblebrag can you read before you projectile vomit?, Glamour has very subtly defended its decision to name Bono as one of their Women of the Year. It even goes so far as to assure us that “women have always strongly influenced [Bono] in his work”. Great! Can those women who have influenced Bono win Woman of the Year instead?

“When humanitarian and rock icon Bono learned that he was being honored by Glamour as the first-ever Man of the Year, he called his wife of 34 years, Ali Hewson, to give her the news. ‘I asked did she think I deserved it. She wasn’t sure,’ Bono tells me with a laugh. ‘She said I’ve work to do!’.”

How charming and modest of Bono and his wife to agree that he does not deserve this award! Quoth Bono: “I’m sure I don’t deserve it”. You know, Bono, that’s a great instinct. You probably don’t deserve it!

Q. What is the difference between Bono and Jesus?
A. Jesus doesn't think he's Bono.

— Clementine Ford (@clementine_ford) November 1, 2016

Now, fair cop to Bono, the man is very into activism and saving the world and whatnot. And good on him. Reportedly does do a fair bit to help women and girls in various oppressive situations around the world. But does he deserve to be awarded a prize reserved for women who work hard against the oppression of, you know, being a woman?

Bono wins a lot of awards; Bono is fine. Awards like Glamour‘s Woman of the Year are about celebrating women who beat the odds, who strive against adversity, who support other women and make a change in the world. Because being a woman who beats the odds of entrenched patriarchy and traumatic misogyny is pretty fucking amazing, and those women deserve awards. So, like, give those women awards, not Bono.

Glamour Mag says Bono 'Woman of the Year'. Brisbane dorks say all-male office will deter men from hitting women. Rise in eye-roll injuries.

— Kaz Cooke (@reallykazcooke) November 2, 2016

can hire bono as minister for women

— Aus Gov Just Googled (@GovGoogles) November 2, 2016

Remember the episode of South Park where Bono is skewered because Bono always wins everything? Remember the episode of Parks and Recreation when Ron Swanson wins Woman of the Year? This is like that, only in real life. What a lark!

So congratulations to Bono, Glamour’s first-ever male Woman of the Year. In 2016, with all the progress the feminist movement has made, this is surely our crowning achievement.

(P.S. some bonafide amazing women ALSO won Glamour Women of the Year this year, including My Best Friend Simone Biles, and you can gander at the full list here.)