Culture

Listen To This Man’s Passionate Speech About Why Boneless Wings Are Actually Chicken Nuggets

Ok, but he has some points though.

by Michelle Rennex  3 September 2020
boneless wings rant nuggets

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Australians have the age old debate: Is it potato cakes or potato scallops? For Americans, it appears their classic food debate revolves around boneless chicken wings, or “saucy nugs” as one passionate man explained during a Nebraskan council meeting.

Approaching the podium, where his own father is a councilman, Ander Christensen took his passionate rant to a Lincoln City Council meeting. His proposal? To rename boneless chicken wings because they are a fraud and not a wing at all.

Starting his speech, Christensen suggests that Lincoln has the “opportunity to be a social leader in this country… [but] we have been casually ignoring a problem that has gotten so out of control”.

“I go into nice family restaurants and I see people throwing this name around and pretending as though everything is just fine,” he explains. “I’m talking about boneless chicken wings.”

As the audience laughs at his statement, Christensen exasperatedly stops the chatter and continues with his message. “I propose that we as a city remove the name boneless wings from our menus and from our hearts,” he continues.

Providing options for replacement names for the imposter wings, Christensen propses that they can now be called “buffalo-style chicken tenders, wet tenders, saucy nugs or trash.”

While the rant is very stupid and a total pisstake, Christensen actually does make some pretty valid points.

A “boneless chicken wing” has nothing to do with the wing of a chicken. Boneless wings are literally just chopped up, coated and fried chicken breast — and you know what else is made the same way? Chicken nuggets and chicken tenders, which are already boneless by default.

We don’t walk around asking for boneless tacos or boneless spaghetti, so why should we ask for boneless wings aka nuggets?  As Christensen accurately points out, a mislabelling of any other food would be blasphemous, so what gives chicken the right to call different body parts whatever it wants?

“We would be disgusted if a butcher was mislabelling their cuts of meats, but then we go around pretending as though the breast of a chicken is its wing?,” he pointed out during his speech.

And, as stupid as it sounds, we actually are teaching kids from a young age that animal parts that are attached to bone can suddenly grow without one because of “boneless wings”.

Moreover, what’s even stopping these chicken breast pieces from just being advertised as nuggets? If it’s a thing where the person getting them looks ~childish~ for ordering chicken nuggets, then perhaps it’s time to grow up and actually eat wings that are wings.

While chicken wing chain, Buffalo Wild Wings offered to give Ander Christensen some free chicken if he changes his stance on boneless wings, I am happy to be on the right side of history in agreeing with the king of Saucy Nugs.