If there are two universal truths that I understand deeply, it’s that 2016 has been an utter garbage-fire of a year, and that a Patronus is a true expression of who you are.

It’s an animal totem that doesn’t simply drive Dementors away, but also helps discover truths about yourself. Did you get a magnificent puma as a Patronus? Then you are probably a stealthy, independent cat person with a wonderful strut. Did you get a flamingo? Ooh, boy.

Anyway, it’s only natural that I would combine the two and I will hear no protests otherwise. Here are some theories on what 2016’s Patronus might be:

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The Kangaroo that was Punched

This Kangaroo is weirdly belligerent, surprisingly robust and going straight for our best friend in the entire world: a dog. This in itself is a perfectly adequate description for the year’s Patronus, but it’s the response from the Australian gentleman in front of it that really clinches the animal’s suitability. While shocked and dismayed, clearly concerned for the wellbeing of his beloved pooch, the gent is only able to muster a feeble assault — a kind of shell-shocked and weary limp-fisted punch at the roo’s leering visage.

It’s also worth noting that The Kangaroo That Was Punched is a late addition to the year; a December entry that shows the year’s Patronus has both grown large in its malevolence over the last 12 months, and that we have grown tired.

We are the punch-drunk fighters, barely able to keep open-hand slapping a big old Kangaroo.

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The Bear from The Revenant

At the beginning of 2016, we awaited the release of The Revenant with bated breath — could this movie finally be the vehicle that allowed our Leo to gain his much-coveted Oscar? It was the good news story that we thought would dictate the year ahead. Injustices were being corrected by hard work and good-will. All Leonardo DiCaprio had to do was wrestle a bear at the movies, and he’d take home the little golden man.

But, as we now know, 2016’s Patronus is actually the bear. We’ve all slowly and thoroughly been mauled by a bear in order to help a super-rich celebrity win a prize.

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Uncle Sam the Bald Eagle

Sometimes I feel like 2016 is actually a giant cloud of Dementors, and the earth is our Azkaban. Grim, I know, but it’s been a bad year okay? Anyway, in that case, I feel like Uncle Sam the Bald Eagle is our Patronus. Uncle Sam made headlines when he was roped into a photoshoot with Donald Trump and then attacked the future President-elect, in what many felt was a sign of America rising up to halt his run to the White House.

In a way, this makes Uncle Sam the perfect Patronus for us during the year 2016 — hobbled and forced to deal with the evil orange nightmare man, flapping and cawing impotently. Yes, we cast Uncle Sam at both Trump and at this trash-fire year, but it wasn’t strong enough.

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The Snake on the Plane

Look, it’s not so much that there’s a motherfucking snake on a motherfucking plane, it’s that it’s such an uninspired attempt at a headline. Yes, we know that snakes on planes are scary — snakes can be bitey, poisonous and ouchy wraparounds. There’s something about being trapped in a flying metal tube with them that’s scarier than if you found them hanging out at the local malt shop. But the thing is, we get that. We understand this from that movie, Snakes on a Plane. This is not new.

2016 has given us a kind of literal reboot of a novelty movie that nobody really wants to dwell on anymore. The Snake on a Plane is the perfect Patronus for a garbage year obsessed with reboots that nobody asked for.

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Harambe (The Gorilla who Died)

As if Harambe, The Gorilla Who Died, isn’t the perfect Patronus for this garbage year (and the most obvious choice too). And not because the tragedy of his early death mirrors the tragedy of this year — no, because as a Meme Harambe ascended from his grave and became more powerful than we ever thought possible.

Harambe The Meme influenced elections and swept social media like a wave of sewerage from an upstairs bathroom. Harambe became the go-to reference for fuckboys around the world, as if the mere mention of his name was enough to qualify as a joke. Harambe became an avatar for 2016 — some people engaged in a literal fashion, decrying the death of a gorilla; more people engaged in an ironic way, decrying the media’s obsession with frivolity; while even more engaged in a post-ironic way, making fun of all of it with a knowing wink and a chuckle.

In the end, what are we left with? A dead gorilla and a bad joke that won’t go away. It’s a more fitting Patronus for 2016 than I could ever imagine. Dicks out for Harambe!

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Patrick Lenton is a writer of theatre and fiction. He blogs at The Spontaneity Review and tweets inanity from @patricklenton.