Some Hero’s Been Tweeting All The Amazing Comments People Leave On Shane Warne’s Instagram
Thank you for all you have done for us, Warnie.
It’s not an exaggeration that Shane Warne is the best thing to happen to the internet since free torrenting, videos of dogs wrecking themselves in slow motion and club remixes of Shannon Noll’s ‘What About Me’ put together. From his heartfelt Facebook posts about his battles with the paparazzi, to that painting he owns of himself hanging out with various celebrities, to that time he got bitten on the head by a giant snake, Warnie is an endless, endless fountain of glorious nonsense for the punters to froth over. If someone can be nominated for Australian of the Year for their services to dank content, Warnie has deserved the nod for years.
But the true source of Warnie’s power has largely flown under the radar: his Instagram account. If you enjoy photos of miserable-looking poker tournaments, lovingly assembled assortments of potato chips and neverending selfies of a man who looks like a Ken doll a five-year-old put in the microwave, @shanewarne23 is your spiritual home. Few can resist the power of his aesthetic.
If the photos on Warnie’s Instagram draw the viewer’s eye, the real gems are to be found nestled in the comments. Whether intentionally or otherwise, Shane Warne’s relentless posting has attracted a small army of dedicated followers. Their responses to any photo Warne posts veer wildly between praise for his legendary beer-drinking and pie-eating abilities, filthy, cricket-based sexual innuendo, devastating critiques of his physical appearance and genuine concern for his wellbeing. It is, perhaps, the single most perfect expression of mainstream Australian culture the 21st Century has offered up to date.
Rather than trawling through thousands of Warnie selfies to find the best ones (although take it from me, there are few more worthwhile ways to spend your time), the amateur Warnie enthusiast need only stop by one of Twitter’s greatest public services: Warnie Comments. Some anonymous servant of the common good has spent almost a year painstakingly sifting through the comments on Warne’s Instagram, pulling out the best ones, and sharing them with the world.
The results are stunning.
Warnie’s face has more leather than a lawyers library. — Warnie Comments (@WarnieComments) July 17, 2015
Warnie, can me and my mates borrow your forehead so we can watch origin on a projector?
— Warnie Comments (@WarnieComments) July 15, 2015
Has Shano been partying with Colonel Sanders? He looks more fried than a large Zinger combo. — Warnie Comments (@WarnieComments) July 7, 2015
grandiose areas shane. stick to the durries you psycho
— Warnie Comments (@WarnieComments) February 5, 2015
The editorial choice to post the comments as standalone works, divorced from the content of the photos they’re responding to, may seem counterintuitive at first. But freed from the constraints of their original medium, the timelessness of these messages shines through.
You don’t need to know which photo prompted someone to tell Shane Warne that he looks like “something in the skip out the back of Madame Tussaud’s”. Like all great art, Warnie Comments uses the greatest canvas of all: the human imagination.
you’re more steamed than a plate of dim sims shano. take it easy mate
— Warnie Comments (@WarnieComments) April 8, 2015
How thirsty are ya warnie? On a scale of 1 to Warnie.
— Warnie Comments (@WarnieComments) March 29, 2015
Eat too many flippers last night Shane? Only someone as gurned as a day 5 pitch in Hyderabad would think this is a good idea.
— Warnie Comments (@WarnieComments) March 3, 2015
Warnie looks like his been riding the gravitron at Luna Park for the last 6 months.
— Warnie Comments (@WarnieComments) April 1, 2015
Tragically, Warnie Comments went radio-silent at the end of 2015, meaning that untold thousands of vital messages like these are going unseen by the viewing public. Where has the curator of Warnie Comments gone? Will someone arise in their place, a new torchbearer for this touchstone of our culture? Where is the horse and the rider? Where is the Warnie that was blowing?
Your pitch map looks like a slice of fairy bread today Shane. Take a spell and sort yourself out mate.
— Warnie Comments (@WarnieComments) March 26, 2015
shane rough estimate how often are you off chops in a given week i’d like to compare notes
— Warnie Comments (@WarnieComments) March 5, 2015
Are your areas on the stock market Shane? If so I’d like to buy 500 shares.
— Warnie Comments (@WarnieComments) March 23, 2015
Warney u donglord
— Warnie Comments (@WarnieComments) March 15, 2015
Follow Warnie Comments here, and pray for the day when it returns.