It’s here. It’s finally here. Australian Rules Football is in my humble opinion the greatest game on earth: a massive, expensive soap opera full of drama and intrigue and shocking twists and lots of muscly men in tiny, tiny shorts. And like any great soap opera, this year’s season is about to reach a crescendo, as we embark on an AFL finals series for the ages.

For footy fans, September is a sacred month. We wrap ourselves in team colours, drink too much beer and tucker ourselves out shouting at the umpires. There is often a bit of crying involved. Or, okay, fine, in my case, a lot of crying.

But not everyone has yet to succumb to the sweet embrace of football. Not everyone knows the joy of barracking for a team, of caring about something with every fibre of your being despite there being literally no logical reason for you to do so.

And you know what? That’s okay. Some people didn’t grow up with the game, and others maybe just never saw the appeal. Aussie rules can certainly seem confusing from the outside, and Aussie rules fans even more so. But just because you don’t love it yet doesn’t mean you’re locked out forever. It certainly doesn’t mean you can’t find someone to root for for the next four weeks.

Picking a team isn’t just about which suburb you grew up in or who your parents supported. It can be as simple as liking a certain player, or thinking Hawks sound cooler than Swans. More importantly, whether you’re into underdog stories, bitter rivalries or Game of Thrones-style dynasties, there’s sure to be a narrative you can latch on to among this year’s batch of finalists.

If nothing else, you’ll at least have something to say to that annoying colleague who won’t shut up about the weekend’s game.

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Richmond

The Tigers are the reigning premiers, finished on top of the ladder, and are the bookmakers’ favourites to take home this year’s flag — all of which would have sounded totally preposterous 18 months ago. The butt of jokes for decades, Richmond defied expectation last year to win their first Grand Final in 37 years. It still feels a little weird to think of the Tigers as a genuine footballing force, but here we are.

Unfortunately for you, one of the unspoken rules of picking your team is that you’re not allowed to just go with the one that’s currently on top. As much as Richmond were underdogs in 2017, you couldn’t say the same thing about them now. Anyone who sides with them this year runs the risk of being accused of just jumping on the bandwagon — although speaking as a Richmond fan myself, there are worse bandwagons to be a part of.

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West Coast

The Eagles are the only side from outside Victoria and New South Wales to feature in finals action this year, which might make them the de facto favourites for everyone outside of the country’s two biggest cities. Many commentators had written them off before the season began, but they proved their critics wrong with a fierce campaign that saw them lock up second spot.

West Coast go into finals missing their most exciting player in ruckman Nic Naitanui, who injured his knee earlier in the year. But they don’t lack firepower, with forwards Josh Kennedy and Jack Darling both capable of booting huge scores. If you want to see a lot of goals kicked, or just like seeing Sydney and Melbourne get taken down a peg, the Eagles could be the team for you.

Collingwood

Even if you don’t know anything about football, you probably know you’re not supposed to barrack for Collingwood. One of the biggest clubs in the land, they’re the AFL’s version of Manchester United, jazz and the second season of The Wire: you either love them or you hate them. For decades the Magpies and their supporters have been the baddies of the footballing world — and it’s always seemed like they’ve relished the title.

And yet… there’s something undeniably likeable about Collingwood in 2018. In 12 months they’ve shot from 13th place to third, and have stuck together despite being hard hit by injury. Whether they can get enough players back on the park to challenge for the flag remains to be seen, but you can’t help but wonder of there’s a touch of last year’s Tigers about this year’s Pies.

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Hawthorn

While the Magpies and the Eagles are the pleasant surprises of this year’s AFL finals series, the return of the Hawks to September has a feeling of grim inevitability about it. Hawthorn are far and away the most dominant team of the past decade, winning four Grand Finals since 2008 including back-to-back-to-back flags from 2013 to 2015. When they missed out on finals last year some people thought the age of the hawk might be over. But like the killer in a horror movie franchise, this team just refuses to die.

What’s even more concerning for the other seven teams in September is that the Hawks seem perfectly capable of taking home the chocolates yet again. Picking Hawthorn as your club of choice probably won’t make you many new friends. But if you like winning, recent history suggests you could do a lot worse.

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Melbourne

If you’re looking for this year’s fairy tale story, look no further than Melbourne, whose return to September action has been a long, long time coming. This side hasn’t featured in finals for 12 years, and hasn’t won a Grand Final since 1964. We’ve literally never watched the Demons win a flag on colour TV.

Some commentators have asked whether this lack of experience could hurt the Dees’ finals campaign, especially given their first game is an elimination final against Geelong, one of the most seasoned teams in the competition. Still, the last two years have seen the Bulldogs and the Tigers bust historic premiership droughts, and there’s something awfully romantic about the idea of Melbourne doing the same in 2018.

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Sydney

A bit like Hawthorn, Sydney are a team you should never count out. They’ve only missed out on playing finals three times this century, having won two Grand Finals during this period. The Swans also have arguably the most watchable player in the competition on their list, in gun full forward Lance ‘Buddy’ Franklin. Buddy is the kind of footballer even people who don’t really understand football can get behind. And his talent makes him a massive wildcard going into September.

Adding some additional intrigue to Sydney’s finals campaign is that their first match is an elimination final against crosstown rivals the GWS Giants. I know New South Wales is more of a rugby league state, but if there was ever a year Sydneysiders should pay attention to Aussie rules, it’s this one.

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Greater Western Sydney

If the Swans are the top dogs in the harbour city, the Giants are young upstarts thumbing their noses at their elders. The youngest team in the competition, Greater Western Sydney doesn’t get a lot of respect from the older clubs, who tend to view GWS as a test tube baby cooked up by AFL executives to steal eyeballs away from the NRL.

Despite this, the Giants are not to be trifled with. On paper, they’re probably the best team in the AFL, although a brutal run with injuries could definitely make things tough. They’re the team you’d back if you wanted to stick it to the established sides… assuming you can look past their hideous orange jumpers.

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Geelong

Up there with Hawthorn and Sydney as one of the powerhouse clubs in recent years, Geelong only just managed to sneak into finals in 2018, but they’re definitely capable of doing some damage now that they’re there. Between Joel Selwood, Patrick Dangerfield and prodigal son Gary Abblett, the Cats have the most star-studded midfield in the AFL, something that could make cheering for them a very appealing prospect.

Of course the fact that the Cats will have to knock out emotional favourites Melbourne in order to progress could see them viewed by some as the pseudo-villains of September. But hey, who doesn’t love a good bad guy?

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Tom Clift is Junkee’s after-hours editor and tweets (mostly about football) at @tom_clift.

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Feature image via Facebook.