A Letter To My 17-Year-Old, Healthy Harold-Ignoring Self, By Comedian And Social Worker Dee Fidge

If youth is wasted on the young (someone enlightened said that once, right?), what would you have told your 17-year-old self? Together with UTS:INSEARCH we approached some friends of Junkee and asked them to pen a letter to their younger self as they prepare to head out into the big wide world.

Today we have Twitter darling, comedian and social worker Deirdre Fidge. 

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Hello friend,

I never thought writing a letter to my past self would be so difficult, considering the amount of self-obsessed twaddle I put on the internet as a 27-year-old, but, well, here we are.

So you’re 17 and full of hope and fear. You have grand plans to see the world, to make a difference, but somewhere along the way that road will change.

You badly wanted to study social work, but a high school teacher you hugely admired scoffed at this. She’d been away on maternity leave and returned to visit with her new baby, and you greeted her with glee. She didn’t even remember your name. Still, you took her opinion as scripture and enrolled to study psychology instead — apparently this is more prestigious.

Mate… you have to stop caring so much about what other people think.

You have a voice inside of you and even though it is very soft and awfully fragile, it is there. From time to time people around you will make mention of “gut instinct” and you will freeze because all of your decisions are based on what someone else tells you to do. But you have a gut instinct. It is soft — literally, you’ll never have washboard abdominals, I’m afraid — but it is there.

You’ll go off to study psychology and make barely any friends being so cripplingly terrified of what people will think of you. Honestly, don’t waste these years being afraid. Don’t spend those three years at university hiding in a corner eating schnitzel sandwiches and watching everyone else like they’re a wildlife documentary on Chilean flamingoes.

Eat your delicious schnitzel and then socialise. Priorities. University is this amazing place where people almost have to spend huge amounts of time with you and do little else. They’re not your enemies — they’re your captives potential friends!

Don’t hide in the back of classes and leave as soon as the tutorial finishes; there are people in that room who could become your close friends. Or worst enemies — ooh, we’ve never had an enemy before! Either way: give them a chance. Give yourself a chance.

As innocent and doe-eyed as you may seem, little 17-year-old Dee, you can also be a real arsehole. Tone back the judgement and ask yourself why you feel the need to secretly assess other people’s appearances and lifestyles. Why are you so critical of others?

DING DING DING! (That’s the current sound that’s made when someone has an epiphany — it’s really cool in 2016, trust me.) That’s right, you’re deeply unhappy with yourself. You aren’t the first person to fall into a pit of self-loathing and mental illness, but don’t let it destroy you and your relationships.

Once you stop viewing everything in the world as a potential threat I promise you, everything will change. I know you’ve been hurt, and people have been unkind, and it makes the world seem horribly dangerous. But by cutting yourself off from any potential harm you’re also locking yourself up in a bubble-wrapped cave of isolation and social media and false identities while desperately longing for a real connection with someone.

It’s okay to be vulnerable — in fact, it’s vital. There is so much strength in vulnerability. You’ve been called sensitive as an insult your whole life and while it’s true that you need to stop letting other people’s opinions of you dominate your life, it’s important for you to embrace that sensitivity. It’s what makes you a decent friend and a great social worker.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot! You do become a social worker, like you always dreamed. You’ll go on to complete your Masters of Social Work and end up with a tertiary debt that remains a mystery because those invoices seem to always accidentally make their way into the recycling bin before you open them.

You’ll learn so much from other people about other people. You’ll become interested in politics because you’ll see oppression and injustice first-hand. People will call you a “social justice warrior” like it’s an insult. Shrug it off. That aforementioned sensitivity gives you empathy too.

Remember when Healthy Harold visited our primary school, and a lady with her hand up his bum taught us about being ourselves and the beauty in individuality? Harold and his bum-playing friend were really onto something. It might have taken you 27 years but you’ll eventually find your voice and realise that you’re totally okay as you are. You are enough.

I’m getting teary writing this, Deirdre, much more so than I was prepared for. Maybe in another decade you’ll have to re-read this letter because most of the points are still relevant.

I’ll end with a quote by Miles Davis, because you clearly have so much in common with a black American jazz musician from the 1950s. But one day you’ll read this quote and it will resonate with you.

“Man, sometimes it takes you a long time to sound like yourself.”

Love,

Deirdre

PS. There’s a reason you always end up smooching girls at parties. Accept it.

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If you liked that, check out the ABC’s broadcaster Adam Collins letter to his 17-year-old self.

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Make the most of your 17-year-old self today! Don’t look back in 10 years and have to scold yourself for not trying everything. If you didn’t get into uni this year don’t give in, there is another way – INSEARCH.edu.au

UTS:INSEARCH is a service that helps you find another way into UTS. Check it out here.