Film

A Comprehensive List Of All The Amazing Films You’re Missing At SXSW

One of them is all about Jason Schwartzman and his French Bulldog.

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South By Southwest is nearly here for another year and once again, you’re not in Texas. What are you even doing? Your job? Spending time with your friends and family in the country where you live? Still catching up on some of the hundreds of films from last year’s festival? You would.

But hey, so would I. Here’s a livestream of my face as I sit and write these words for you.

In just a couple of days all your best friends from Hollywood will descend on Austin, Texas, and 50,000 lucky punters who are decidedly not you will enjoy the spoils.

As always, the festival is packing in a lifetime’s worth of talks, film and music into nine bourbon-fuelled days and to pre-emptively treat your inevitable case of FOMO we’ve prepared a SXSW film hit list. AKA Shit To Keep An Eye Out For When It Finally If It Ever Comes To Australian Cinemas.

Trainwreck: Amy Schumer Shits All Over A Corny Rom Com

If you read the synopsis of this film without knowing that Amy Schumer were the lead, it would sound awful: Divorced father tells child that monogamy is hopeless. Child grows into sexually adventurous adult and starts working in a traditionally chauvinistic industry. All this person’s preconceptions about love are challenged when they finally meet the one.

If someone made me guess the film based on that description, I would say Hitch or a giant pile of vomit starring noughties-era Matthew McConaughey. Or, more realistically, I’d just resolutely shake my head and walk away.

But with all this coming from a female protagonist (let alone one as adept at the quality feminist lols as Schumer), things start to get interesting. Add to this the fact that it’s directed by Judd Apatow, features A-grade SNL player Vanessa Bayer, and stars Bill Hader as the male romantic lead, and it’s guaranteed to be at worst a successful mainstream crossover, and at best one of the festival favourites.

7 Chinese Brothers: Jason Schwartzman Hangs Out With His Dog

That is literally the plot of this film. And better yet: it’s his real life dog. His name is Arrow and he’s a French Bulldog. Doesn’t that just sound like the film of the year? If so, let’s be best friends. If not, please leave immediately. This site is not for you.

Though the title may make it sound like a whacky and unnecessary sequel to Wes Anderson’s The Darjeeling Limited7 Chinese Brothers is instead directed by fellow indie filmmaker Bob Byington (Somebody Up There Likes Me). But it seems like Schwartzman won’t be reaching very far from his roots. His standard portrayal of Anderson’s Surly And Emotionally Fragile Man will be resurrected through what is basically a character piece of “an inebriated sad sack” called Larry.

Over the course of the film, Larry ambles through his normal life, tries to win over a girl, care for his grandmother, and provide for his dog. Also, his best friend is Tunde Adebimpe from TV On The Radio.

To be honest, it had me at French Bulldog.

Fresno: Life After Litchfield

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Nicky ditches Piper and Alex for Aubrey Plaza and Fred Armisen. Good move.

Are you getting frustrated by the wait for the third season of Orange Is The New Black? Have you been spending this time furiously penning fan fiction about everyone’s favourite ex-junkie convict Nicky Nicholls? If so, all your weird hopes and dreams have finally been answered.

This latest film from Jamie Babbit (But I’m A Cheerleader, Girls, Looking) has once again enlisted the help of Natasha Lyonne, to basically create a post-OITB story for her fictional character. (This isn’t the film’s official marketing or anything, but with Lyonne playing an “overly optimistic lesbian” who moves back to Fresno, California to work as a maid and live with her sex-addicted sister, it doesn’t seem far off.)

The plot basically revolves around her sister, after she accidentally kills one of the guests in the hotel they service — and things take off from there. And, though there are no trailers out yet, we also know it will somehow involve Aubrey Plaza, Ron Livingston, and Fred Armisen. Would watch.

Hello My Name Is Doris: Schmidt And Sally Field Maybe Get It On

Sally Field plays an awkward 60-year-old women grieving for her mother while also pursuing her 30-year-old co-worker at “a hip Brooklyn clothing company” played by Max Greenfield (New Girl).

It’s directed by Michael Showalter, the same guy who gave you Wet Hot American Summer and They Came Together — that potentially incredible but apparently pretty shitty rom-com spoof with Paul Rudd and Amy Poehler. It also features Natasha Lyonne (she’s everywhere!) and Lena Dunham’s boyfriend Jack Antonoff.

I refuse to answer your questions with anything but this clip of Field and Greenfield essentially fucking through a yoga ball.

Moonwalkers: Ron Weasely Is Somehow The Manager Of A Rock Band

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LOL okay.

While his old Harry Potter castmates are off standing up for gender equality at the UN and doing mad raps on US late shows — can you guess which is which? — Rupert Grint has had a weird few years.

Since his final performance as Ron Weasely, Grint has played a minor character called Cheetah Chrome in a docu-drama about New York’s early punk scene, in which the lead roles were played by an American-accented Alan Rickman and Blondie’s Debbie Harry (WHAT). He starred as one of the token Brits alongside Shia LeBeouf in the critically-panned Charlie Countryman. He’s been rejected by CBS after pitching them a show about a fast food worker turned superhero called Super Clyde.

Then he voiced a character in the film version of Postman Pat.

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Legitimately his best role.

Now, he’s starring as the “lousy manager of a seedy rock band” in a film about an elaborate moon landing conspiracy involving the CIA. The film is also directed by a guy who up until now has only been known for his ads (but in fairness, the one he did with Honda was really good).

I’m not saying Moonwalkers will be the best thing at SXSW, but it’s definitely worth checking out.

RaidersIndiana Jones, But With 11-Year-Old Kids From The ’80s

This is the Boyhood of the festival’s Documentary Spotlight category. Or at least it would be, if Richard Linklater was really nerdy and kind of crap at finishing his projects.

The film, or more correctly the film this documentary is about, started in 1982 when three friends decided to remake Raiders of the Lost Ark, shot for glorious shot. With props, costumes and at one point even fire, it even rivals the Lethal Weapon remakes from Always SunnyBut due to personal problems — and the fact they couldn’t quite find a Nazi plane to blow up on their way home from school — they never filmed the last scene.

After gaining mounting attention in the media and niche fan communities over the years, Raiders is their attempt to finally tell their story in full — and finally reveal the finished product.

Adult Beginners: The Douche Has Problems Growing Up

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The cast as they watch Crazy Ira make fart noises with his arm pit.

Again, the plot of this one doesn’t sound fantastic: yuppie man-baby has big shot creative career ruined by tragic misstep, loses girlfriend, goes to childhood home, trouble arises. It’s basically Elizabethtown, that manic pixie dream girl film with Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst. (Disclaimer: I was an absolute sucker for these types of films, and will still fight you if you talk shit about Garden State.)

Anyway, like Trainwreck, it’s probably worth investing your trust in the cast and team behind it. Ross Katz, the Academy Award-nominated producer from Lost in Translation, is making his directorial debut, and the film’s produced by Mark and Jay Duplass — who you probably know from The League and Transparentbut who are in fact indie filmmaking royalty.

Also when the main characters are played by Nick Kroll (The Douche!), Rose Byrne and Joel McHale, you’d be wise to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Stone Barn Castle: Adrien Brody Lives In A Fucking Castle

Adrien Brody is inviting you inside his secret castle in the woods. ADRIEN BRODY IS INVITING YOU INSIDE HIS FUCKING CASTLE IN THE WOODS. Stone Barn Castle is a real story which documents the past seven years in which Adrien Brody has been living in his castle in the woods of upstate New York.

I realise that was all pretty repetitive, but I also need you to understand the magnitude of each word. Adrien Brody. Castle. Woods. That’s all this film is; the perfect viewing for anyone in need of a seachange or those who would like to sit in the dark for 98 minutes staring at Adrien Brody’s face and/or body in the rain.

Brand: A Second Coming: Is Russell Brand Actually Jesus Or What?

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Dude. Seriously?

Directed, produced and edited by Sundance-slaying filmmaker Ondi Timoner (Dig!, We Live In Public), this film is set to explore the life of everyone’s favourite person to hate besides Tony Abbott.

But this doesn’t look like the two-hour long self-indulgent wank you might imagine. Timoner has promised the film will “explore the contradiction between Brand’s clarion call for revolution and his hunger to transcend pop fame”, and it has since been chosen as the film to open the entire festival.

No matter how it pans out, it’s sure to be a major talking point in the coming months. But personally, I’m hoping for a Joaquin Phoenix-style reveal where we find out Russell Brand’s actually been fucking with us this whole time.

Spy: Melissa McCarthy Tries The Solo Schtick Once More

Though Bridesmaids cemented Melissa McCarthy’s role as America’s favourite gross-out gal — seriously, she was impersonating Chris Farley only a matter of weeks ago on SNL — her attempt to bring that kind of character into a lead role in Tammy failed miserably. Despite being written by McCarthy and her husband — Air Marshall John! Did everyone know she was married to Air Marshall John!? — it was an idea which just fell short.

Now, after playing a normal human person alongside Bill Murray in St Vincent, it seems like she’s going with a welcome new direction: leading lady who is doing successful things in the world without being a sociopath. It also helps that this one’s directed by Paul Fieg (Bridesmaids, Freaks and Geeks). 

Alongside Will Ferrell’s Get Hardthis is one of the festival’s unconventionally mainstream picks so it may face mixed reactions at SXSW — for context, the trailer was announced on Ellen — but this at least means it’ll be gracing our big, dirty, un-arthouse screens soon.

Angie Tribeca: Rashida Jones Is Andy Samberg Now

Okay, this one’s a TV show. But still.

After getting the green light from TBS halfway through last year, this satirical take on a police procedural will get its world premiere this weekend. With Rashida Jones in the lead role as an outlandish detective with the LAPD, it’s essentially a West Coast gender-inverted version of Brooklyn Nine Nine. But hey, that’s not a bad thing!

If the glorious musk ox that is Rashida Jones doesn’t entirely get you on board, you may be excited to know the series is being directed, produced and written by Nancy and Steve Carell. It will also feature guest stars like Jones’ old Parks and Rec bud Adam Scott, SNL player Cecily Strong and Bill fucking Murray.

Do you remember the lengths Amy Poehler went to in order to get that dude on board to cameo as a dead body? Angie Tribeca have snagged him to play an old flirty grocery store clerk for their very first season. BOOM.

7 Days In Hell: Andy Samberg Versus Jon Snow

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Eat your heart out, Federer.

This 50 minutes of miscellaneous bliss is sure to blow up on the internet very shortly.

Directed by Jake Szymanski (Funny Or Die, SNL, everything else you love), 7 Days In Hell tells the (very fake) story of two tennis stars playing an epic week-long match in super serious documentary style. The main players will be Andy Samberg and Kit Harrington (Game of Thrones), but it will also feature Lena Dunham, Fred Armisen, Will Forte, John McEnroe and Serena Williams.

Essentially, SNL Digital Shorts have just made the leap into the real world movie market.

SXSW runs in Austin, Texas from March 13-22. There are so many more worthwhile titles I couldn’t mention here. Check out the whole program if you feel like investigating for yourself.