Culture

You Need To Watch This Truly Chaotic ‘7 News’ Segment That Features Ass Cracks And Head Bonks

Honestly, this is the most chaotic minute in Australian news broadcast history.

by Michelle Rennex  27 August 2021
7 news chaotic video brittany bramble

Want more Junkee in your life? Sign up to our newsletter, and follow us on Instagram and Facebook so you always know where to find us.

Stop what you’re doing right now because you really need to watch this clip that people are calling the most chaotic news broadcast in Australian TV history.

And no, I’m not talking about that iconic footage of the ABC randomly cutting to a satanic gathering during a story about new laws for police animal abuse, which we saw unfold last week.

I’d dare to argue that this minute-long 7 News broadcast, which features zero demonic slip-ups but rather just a very chaotic group of eccentric people as they walk out of court, is even better. In fact, the first and last five seconds alone make the entire clip worth it.

Please just take a look at what I mean:

Now, let’s break down this iconic piece of content, shall we?

There’s the perfect intro of the accused letting out a pained “OWWWWWWWWWW” as she bonks her head on the automatic glass doors while trying to avoid the media. This scene is then followed by the casual “I hope she goes to hell, love” message in the middle from the victim.

And the whole thing is perfectly rounded out with the random “see ya later, alligator” used to ditch the interview, and the dad’s falling jeans that forced editors into having to blur out the ass crack at the end.

Nothing in this interview seems real, and the only real way to describe it is a glorious dumpster fire.

But, on paper, the story itself is no laughing matter. It’s a classic case of a very serious subject being accompanied by such an unintentionally hilarious video.

The 7 News cameras are following Brittany Bramble, the teen from Western Australia who allegedly left a man for dead during a hit-and-run on Christmas Day in 2018.

The P-Plater was accused of running over 41-year-old Paul Tsagaris, who suffered brain damage from the incident and had to have part of his skull removed. But as the chaotic news report revealed, Bramble was found not guilty of dangerous driving because she was “terrified” and “acting in an emergency” after allegedly seeing Tsagaris fighting with her family on the side of the road.

Bramble was, however, found guilty of “failing to stop and help” and “failing to report the incident”. While currently free, the driver returns to court today to find out what penalty her crimes will carry.

Here’s hoping that Bramble avoids any and all automatic glass doors when she returns.