In the life of a uni student, there are four guarantees: death, taxes, exams and annoying Instagram feeds.

Thankfully, you will not experience the first two for a while. Sadly, the latter two are upon us, particularly now when everyone feels the need to update the world that they have finished their exams.

Brace yourselves for the six types of Instagrammers who will clog your newsfeed for the next three months.

#1 Harbour Hounds

These people neither own the boat in which they are taking the photo, nor are people who can afford to rent one on a regular basis.

They’re the sort of men far too young to wear boat shoes unironically, and the women who will have their nicely sculpted hair undone by the harbour winds.

These people make you sick, but you low-key wish you were having a few bevvies on a boat too.

#2 Festival Frands 

Consumer behaviour indicates the beginning of festival season — namely, the sharp rise in muscle tank and floral headband purchases.

This friend will post a pic with a clenched jaw and/or wide pupils, along with a not-so-subtle allusion to their inebriated state from the night before.

Unique? No. Fun? While it hurts me to say this — yes.

#3 Exotic Escapes

Going to Bali or Phuket to find yourself is as original as writing a story about an orphaned wizard or a woman who falls for a vampire. It was good the first time, but anything afterwards is just sad.

What’s worse, however, is parading it on Instagram alongside your third cocktail of the night. Unfollowing people after these posts should be a forgivable offence.

#4 The Humblebrag

Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with appreciating life and its wonders. But, it is wrong when you use faux self-deprecation as a means to humblebrag.

We’ve all been there — a new car, new job, new clothes — but do we really need to show our friends? If we just wait that little bit longer until will see them, won’t they see it anyway?

In saying that, I do feel #blessed to have the luxury of writing this article in a villa in Bali! Jokes, it’s in my messy room as I sip cold tea in my Spongebob robe. #Messed 

#5 Gym-Goer  

This is the person who seems to have never known gyms existed pre-summer 2017. That’s right, gyms have actually been around since ancient Greek armies trained using ad hoc obstacles.

There are two types of Gym-goer: 1) the type who is already ripped and makes you feel more self-conscious about your weight and 2) the person who will drop 10kg and inspire you to turn your life around.

Either way, you just want to eat your ice cream with your two friends: Ben and Jerry. They don’t judge you, but love you just the way you are.

#6 Fuck Off Foodie

Does this Instagrammer really need explaining?

The Fuck Off Foodie is that friend who will stand on a chair and rearrange all the food on the table to get the ~perfect~ piccy for Insta. Of course, after they take the pic, they are no longer a friend — simply an acquaintance.

Be warned, readers: unless they have a by-line or actual blog, someone who puts pics of food on their Instagram is NOT a food critic, and they most likely cannot tell you the difference between a ganache and a sponge.

(Lead image: Eva Rinaldi/Flickr CC)