Look, everyone makes false promises to themselves. Think of it as some weird, underhanded method of motivation. If you promise yourself you won’t do one thing, you’ll get another thing as a reward. However, this is folly, and I for one am not too sure why we keep putting ourselves through the same repetitive hell. In any case, the semester is halfway done and you don’t need to tell us that you’ve broken heaps of promises you made to yourself – we already know, fam.

#1: “I’m Not Going To Go Out The Night Before Assignments Are Due.”

I’m not sure whether it’s the ultimate method of procrastination. I’m not sure whether it’s the result of insurmountable peer pressure from your mates who have already done the assignment or didn’t have to do it at all. It could be the muffled screams of that bottle of vodka you have lying dormant, just waiting to be drunk. It could be a mix of all three. Regardless of what causes us to do it, a lot of us simply can’t resist the temptation to hit up the local for a quiet one the night before an assignment’s due, only to find ourselves getting into bed at 3am with a half-eaten kebab thinking about our deepest regrets.

#2: “I’ll Make It To 8am Tutorials.”

I’ll give it to you — your heart was in the right place. But most days you’re probably not even awake before 8am, let alone in a position to be comfortably seated at a desk at uni. Think about it: you have to allow time for your morning workout (if that’s your jam), have a shower, have breakfast, endure the commute to uni and trudge to class. Mornings shouldn’t be that stressful, so it is perfectly understandable that you miss that early-morning class — you’ve earned it. Just stop lying to yourself about it, eh?

#3: “I’m Gonna Allocate My Time To Study.”

In a perfect world, you’d be doing this. We’d all be doing this. But maintaining a decent amount of study throughout the semester is a near impossible task that only legends among us have been able to achieve — and even they struggled with it. While you’re probably spending valuable study time doing other things, there may be some other hardworking heroes getting all the info in their head gradually. Unlike you, stressing out at the last minute before an exam. Each to their own, really.

#4: “I’m Going To Save My Money For A Summer Trip.”

…you think to yourself with a spring in your step as you start this year of uni. However, 17 excess purchases, a pair of Yeezy Boosts and countless bad decisions later, your glorious overseas trip you’d envisioned might be reduced to spending it at your Grandma’s house. We’re not all accountants or financial wizards; we can’t all be extremely fiscal with our money. Don’t fret though, kids – Europe isn’t going anywhere.

#5: “I’m Not Going To Leave My Assignment Until The Last Minute.”

Hahahahahahahaha, are you serious? Nothing says ‘delusional student’ more than this statement. Come on, don’t play yourself.

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Jackson is studying a Bachelor of Communication degree at the University of Newcastle and is the rightful heir to the throne.

(Lead image: Lisa Omarali, Flickr CC)