To even crawl over the exam line to the end of semester, you need to be going to tutes, week in, week out, with the same people, same tutors and the exact same levels of enthusiasm – that is, absolutely zero.

Here’s the wide spectrum of emotions you’re bound to experience between tutes, featuring the complete erosion of your desire to study.

#1 Excitement

Straight after the tute, you are KILLIN’ it. On top of the world. Another week over, another hour of your life passing – praise be to the beautiful passage of time.

You have a tightknit group of tute mates who ALSO haven’t done the readings, and ALSO haven’t even looked at the assignment (“Yeah, no idea what it’s about, do you think I can get away with being 1000 words under the count? Is that frowned upon?”)

They also, coincidentally, hold all of the exact same opinions on your tutor: “Yeah, they DO speak too quietly!” “Can they stop asking us to comment on the readings?” “He needs to iron his shirt!”

You truly feel like you finished this week on a high – you contributed nothing to the discussion and arrived 15 minutes late holding a Keep Cup filled with a two shot. Bring on next week! Can’t wait to see the gang again. Life is sweet and good and golden. Brilliant.

#2 Denial 

All through the next week, you go about your life, knowing FULL WELL there is an email from your tutor assigning you questions and readings for next week.

But you’re out, having brunch, going to your other classes, not giving any kind of damn about any kind of tasks that you should be doing. You’re an adult, and I don’t know about anyone else, but adults have no responsibilities, and can do whatever they want, all the time. This isn’t high school – welcome to independence!

Have a smashed avo and experience absolutely no tertiary-related guilt, ever. You can do it the night before, surely. Come on.

#3 Dread 

It’s the night before. You didn’t go the lecture because something came up — oh yeah, sorry, it was that you lost the will to live. It’s OK, because if you go to sleep now, you could get six hours and then wake up two hours early to watch the lecture so you have a vague idea of what is going on in class. OR you could just… not, which is also a valid option.

But you don’t even get that six hours because you waste away the first couple tossing around, thinking over your options:

“What if I went to the doctors in the morning, said that I fractured my motivation. Would that warrant a certificate?”

“OK, so if it’s 70 per cent attendance and there are 12 weeks of classes… This maths is beyond me, it’s probably easier to go.”

“I can’t. Literally cannot. This tute is going to be the one that kills me. Cause of death: was called on to discuss the themes of a reading that not only have I not read, I haven’t even downloaded. It doesn’t even EXIST in my life. I could always drop out – when is the census date again?”

#4 Acceptance

At some point, something’s gotta give. You can either just get out of bed and get your laptop and do your readings, or you could just accept that you’re not going to do it, and watch something on Netflix.

What option are you going to choose, do you think?

#5 Panic

You’ve been awake for six hours, and yep, instead of doing your readings, or any of your assigned tasks, you watched Netflix. You have breakfast – blue Gatorade over Crunchy Nut cereal – and your group chat is poppin’ off with everyone asking if you’ve done the questions.

So you mute it, listen to ‘Unwritten’ by Natasha Bedingfield on the ride to uni and stare out the window; desperately trying to pretend you live in the world that song was written in, and not the world where you’re late to the tute, have exhausted your attendance, your gang is going to hate you for not contributing anything meaningful, ever… and there are still nine weeks to go.

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We know the time between tutes is full of all the feels, so why not take a break! KITKAT Chunky Choc Fudge Sundae with its layer of gooey choc sauce on white choc fudge with crunchy waffle pieces gives a guaranteed bigger break. Go on, you know you want to!

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(Lead image: The OC / Fox)