Favoured by aunties, uncles, uppity classmates and high school acquaintances you run into in the supermarket, the “what are you doing with your life?” question is a uni student’s kryptonite.

The worst thing about this question is that it’s always asked when you least expect it. You’re always put on the spot, and you always mumble something about “figuring it out” and “crying a lot in my bedroom at night” without even realising it.

But this isn’t good enough. Sure, the real answer is that none of us know what we’re doing with our lives, but we can’t give these nosy people the satisfaction. We’ve rounded up the most foolproof answers so you don’t have to worry about it.

#1 “Lots Of Things, Actually. But I Can’t Tell You Any More For Security Reasons.”

Not only does this answer make you sound extremely important and mysterious, it shuts off any further probing. If anyone does ask a follow up question say, “Honestly, I’ve already said too much” and then walk away.

#2 “My Small Business Is About To Take Off.”

This one’s great because everybody loves an entrepreneur. If you don’t actually have a small business, make up something vague that will sound confusing to people, depending on their age group.

For old people, tell them your business is based in Instagram consumer marketing and Snapchat streak optimisation. For young people, tell them you’re swilling windmill woodturners for a dime a piece at the local flea market.

#3 “I’ve Been Unwell Lately So I’m Just Working On Getting Better.”

Vague enough that they won’t know exactly what you’re talking about, but specific enough that they know not to prod further. This answer will also gain you their pity, which is great. Better than judgement, right?

#4 “I’m Just About To Jet Overseas For One Whole Year! I’m Getting Straight HDs! I Have So Many Romantic Prospects!”

This is a technique I like to refer to as “bombard and confuse.” It doesn’t matter if nothing you say is true, what matters is how quickly you say it, and how confused the person is by it all.

It’s (probably) a fact that if you give someone way too much information, they’ll process none of it. All they’ll know is that you’re doing great.

#5 “What Are YOU Doing With YOUR Life? Huh?”

If all else fails, turning a question into a question is the best way to go. At worst, they’ll call you immature. At best, it’ll send them into their own existential spiral, questioning everything they held near and dear in their small existence.

Check mate, Karen.

(Lead image: Seinfeld/NBC)