Culture

The Most Cursed, Chaotic, And Bizarre Things That Actually Happened in 2020

From holograms of Kim Kardashian's dead dad to Gwyneth Paltrow's releasing vagina-scented candles, 2020 really was a wild ride.

by Michelle Rennex  16 December 2020
Cursed 2020

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Considering 2020 has been an absolute trash fire, it’s hard to really remember any specific details about the year that was.

For the most part, the coronavirus pandemic dominated a lot of the year, along with the Black Lives Matter movement sparking important conversations about human rights across the world. But while there really weren’t many good times sprinkled across 2020, we sure were presented with some awfully cursed ones.

So let’s take a look at the most cursed, chaotic and bizarre moments that we had to endure this year:

January 10: Kicking the year off with the grossest bang imaginable, Goop founder Gwyneth Paltrow released a candle called “This Smells Like My Vagina”. But even more cursed than the name itself, the candle actually sold out almost instantly.

January 22: Before talk about a COVID-19 vaccine was even a thing, one woman confidently claimed that she was against newborn vaccinations because there were “too many cases of perfectly healthy babies all of a sudden being diagnosed” with conditions like “Down syndrome and Alzheimer’s”. And just like that the Baby Alzheimer’s meme was born.

January 23: At the start of the year, we were forced to hear the incredibly dumb “voice” of Priest Nesyamun when researchers recreated part of the Egyptian mummy’s vocal tract with an electronic larynx. “Ehhhhhh”, indeed.

February 12: The Good Place actress Jameela Jamil was accused of having Munchausen Syndrome earlier this year, after a journalist noticed a lot of Jamil’s stories of injuries, illnesses, and, strangely, multiple bee chases, just weren’t adding up. Yes, apparently there were multiple bee attacks. Truly one of the most cursed days on the internet this year.

March 3: In the midst of the US Presidential primary election, Twitch streamer @neekolul broke the internet with her kinda-cute, kinda-cringe dance to a song titled, ‘Oki Doki Boomer’. Wearing a Bernie Sanders shirt, @neekolul’s hope was to “trigger the BOOMERS” and to urge young people to go out and vote. However, soon after the ‘Oki Boomer’ video was shared, Sanders actually lost the Super Tuesday primaries to now-President-elect Joe Biden.

March 19: Easily one of the worst decisions any celebrity has made was Gal Gadot gathering her super-rich friends to sing John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ in the middle of the pandemic. Not only was it just super cringeworthy and extremely off-key, but no one could quite handle just how incredibly tone-deaf it all was.

April 6: Following a number of racist Karens emerging in the first half of the year, a white middle-aged author decided enough was enough in April, and claimed that the term Karen was a slur. As expected, she was dragged to hell and back and quickly became a meme.

April 21: The world really was united by one thing this year and it was the collective hatred for The Giant Baby™️ of TikTok. Yup, the internet was repulsed by the huge baby, who for context, is a chunky 3’5″ toddler — who is a whole half foot taller than average and just so very big.

April 26: After North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un fell sick and wasn’t seen for a while, people actually decided to start stanning Kim Yo Jong, his sister and possible successor. It really was a dark few weeks in April, especially when the fan cams started to pop up.

April 27: The pentagon released three declassified videos that literally showed UFOs flying around, but thanks to everything going on in 2020, no one even cared.

May 6: Elon Musk and Grimes, clearly living on their own planet, decided to name their very wealthy baby X Æ A-12 back May. If that wasn’t already cursed enough, the baby’s original name didn’t comply with California law (where no numbers are allowed), so the little robot got a software update and was upgraded to X Æ A-Xii a few weeks later.

May 28: With conversations around police brutality ramping up in the wake of George Floyd’s death, hacktivist group Anonymous decided to make a brief return. Naturally, this return made the internet incredibly horny for the unidentified group and their unmatched power. So horny, that Anonymous had to literally release a statement begging for people to “please stop sending us nudes or we will close our DMs” just three days after returning.

June 1: While raising funds for COVID-19 relief funds, DJ David Guetta “shouted out” George Floyd’s family in the worst way imaginable: A EDM remix of Martin Luther King’s ‘I Had A Dream’ speech. I guess the silver lining here is that David Guetta was at least able to raise $450,000USD with his tone-deaf remix.

July 5: During the 2015 MTV Awards, Kanye West shared that he was going to run for President in 2020. And sadly for everyone with a brain, Kanye West again confirmed that he was running for president earlier this year, and ended up actually doing it in November. But, as expected, he absolutely flopped.

July 9: For a while there, we had to survive through the cursed few weeks where literally EVERYTHING was cake. Crocs? Cake. Toilet paper? Cake. People’s damn hands? CAKE. Thank God we’ve moved past the cake stage of 2020.

July 13: In a year where everyone was trying to return back to the good old days, it’s no surprise that Hamilton’s Lin-Manuel Miranda had a bunch of old photos resurface to become a meme. However, the pics that were chosen — a whole bunch where the Broadway composer was biting his lip seductively — really couldn’t have been more terrifying.

August 10: Australia was forced to deal with the Masked Singer’s worst costume to date back in August: The Puppet, who turned out to be The Wiggles’ Simon Pryce. Giving a real Chucky-meets-Jigsaw energy, everyone was just very scared of the cursed Puppet until he was booted out during the semi-finals.

August 11: When ‘WAP’ came out a few months ago, conservatives lost their minds. But no one lost their minds more than right-wing podcaster, Ben Shapiro. Sadly for our ears, Shapiro ended up reading out the lyrics, which was quickly edited into a ‘Wet Ass Pussy’ remix of his own (which, low-key, kinda slaps).

September 14: Drew Barrymore debuted The Drew Barrymore Show in September, and it’s easily the most chaotic, unhinged talk show possibly ever made. From random bouts of screaming, to ‘taco newsday’ segments, to fighting with a literal American Girl Doll, to “stanning stain removal”, it’s all just so much.

September 16: “Da Vinky??” dominated social feeds for a solid month back in September when the Voros twins were baffled that Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa, and not Mona Lisa herself. Hard to tell if the twins were playing up their cluelessness or if this was really just their default IQ levels, the pair became a meme for reasons I truly can’t explain.

September 25: Similar to Drew Barrymore’s talkshow, Kelly Clarkson also decided to start her own and it’s equally as bonkers. However, it was a clip of virtual, socially-distanced audience members dancing to a terrible radio-pop song by Vin Diesel that really took the cake.

October 19: In the spirit of 2020, archaeologists managed to stumble upon a giant, 2000-year-old carving of a cat on a hillside in Peru. The catch? The 120-foot lounging cat drawing was just so incredibly bad.

October 20: New Yorker writer Jeffrey Toobin lived out the ultimate working from home nightmare when he “accidentally” jerked off during a very important Zoom call about the election. After getting clowned by the internet for his demonic levels of horniness, the writer was officially fired a month later after 27 years at the publication.

October 30: For Kim Kardashian’s birthday this year, Kanye West decided to give her the most horrifying gift imaginable: A deepfake hologram from her dead dad. The worst part? The resurrected Robert Kardashian ended up talking about peefee (pussy farts, apparently) and went on about how Kim “married the most, most, most, most, most genius man in the whole world, Kanye West”.

November 7: Honestly, I couldn’t think of a more perfect way for Trump to end his presidency other than landing smack-bang between a dildo shop and a crematorium. And thanks to the Four Seasons Total Landscaping debacle, he did just that. After someone on Donnie’s team accidentally booked the parking lot of a small gardening business instead of the hotel chain, Rudy Giuliani was left standing in a dingy parking lot shouting about how Trump would not concede because of ~voter fraud~.

November 19: Then, just when we thought that the Trump downfall couldn’t get anymore cursed, Rudy Giuliani started melting during a press conference. Well, maybe he wasn’t literally melting but Giuliani’s sweat started to mix with his hair dye and brown goo started trickling down his face. Horrific scenes, honestly.

November 23: In the month of Thanksgiving, we were not only subject to watching Americans stupidly travel during a pandemic just to eat turkey, but we also had to see what is arguably the most disgusting pregnancy reveal ever. Wearing shirts that read “I’m so stuffed with a little turkey” and “I made the stuffing”, this horrifically straight pregnancy announcement just screamed “I CAME IN MY WIFE!!” and everyone couldn’t stop laughing.

Sadly, all throughout December: The stupid, cursed monolith. There were just so many dumb metal slabs popping up in different spots around the world, which are all definitely just part of some silly advertising campaign. I cannot explain how cursed the monoliths are. Truly one of the worst ways to round out an absolutely terrible year.

So there you have it, all the most cursed things that 2020 brought into our lives. Surely 2021 can’t get much worse, right? RIGHT?! PLEASE.