Has your alarm ever sounded and you legit don’t know where you are, what time it is or if you’re now more alcohol than human, scientifically speaking?

Congratulations, you’re a disgrace, and also very bloody hungover. And judging by that alarm, you’ll be late for work if you don’t get up soon.

It’s just one of those things, ya know? We’ve all been there. (Except me, please don’t fire me.)

First step is to somehow manage to wriggle your wounded body to the shower and make yourself somewhat presentable. Once you’ve done that, follow these totally foolproof* tips on hiding that hangover from everyone at the office.

*Results may vary.

#1 Pretend To Be Super Busy

The best way to avoid being interrogated by your colleagues is to let them know straight up that you don’t have time for their BS right now. I’m looking at you, Karen from finance.

Do this by pretending to be super busy.

Ways of achieving this might include frantically switching tabs while sighing dramatically, faking important business calls or blatantly screaming, “SWEET BABY JESUS, I AM JUST SO DAMN BUSY.”

Whatever works for you.

#2 For The Love Of God, Avoid Contact With Your Boss

Very much straightforward, just avoid him/her. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life right now.

#3 Never Be Too Cautious When You’re Feeling Nauseous

Very important tip! If you have the slightest feeling you might vom, go to the bathroom. I’m serious.

Yes, you might draw attention to yourself with your frequent bathroom visits but ask yourself, what’s worse? Someone thinking you have gastro or your colleagues getting to see that half a croissant and bottle of Powerade you tried to stomach on your commute this morning all over your desk?

#4 Tactical Naps

Skip the lunch table today. Instead find a nice and quiet storeroom to catch some z’s in and you’ll wake up feeling fresh to death.

#5 Distract From The Real Problem At Hand

If you truly want people to have not a clue that you’re nursing the hangover of the century, you mustn’t do what hungover people do.

You can try and overcompensate how “fine” you are by being super active, fun and vibrant. But nothing is ever going to hide the fact you’re sweating bullets as the poison seeps from your dead-inside body.

So the alternative is to create a distraction. Wear a tuxedo or floor length couture gown with a diamond tiara to your millennial start-up job where everyone else is in jeans and sneakers. Everyone will be too shook over how hot you look.

Hangover who? I don’t know her.

#6 Be A Force To Be Reckoned With

We’ve already decided you have zero time for people’s bullshit so make a point of it. Deflect any conversation regarding a hangover or alcohol at all costs.

Joanne from marketing: “Rumour has it you had a few wines last night, haha.”

You: “Rumour has it your husband left you.”

You get it.

#7 Book A Meeting Room 

This will would usually have had to been done in advance, and if you are planning your hangovers I’m scared for you.

But if there’s a conference room spare, put in your diary that you’re in a super important meeting, lock the door and suffer in silence.

#8 Do The Easy Stuff

If you’re at work just staring at your computer or groaning with your head in your hands, it’s not the best look. If you managed to rock up with out chucking a sickie, you owe it to yourself to be at least a little bit productive today.

Just do anything that doesn’t make you want to actually die. It might be answering some emails, doing dome admin or even tidying your desk – see point one and just look busy.

#9 Outsource Your Jobs

Or if you just don’t wanna, get your work-wife or work-husband to do your jobs for you. That way at the end of the day, regardless of how hungover you actually were, you’ll have something to show for your super hard day’s work.

Even though you spent the day fighting to keep your eyes open and your breakfast down.

#10 Quit Your Job

The damage is done, just give yourself an early mark… forever.

(Lead image: Bad Teacher/Columbia Pictures)