Vegemite Has Been Obliterated By Marmite In A Full Page Ad
British spread Marmite has responded to a full-page ad spruking Vegemite as the superior spread, and it's like watching Indiana Jones shoot the swordsman.
The British are known for their scathing put downs, so you have to wonder why Vegemite thought a battle of words with Marmite would turn out well.
The 2019 Ashes series is currently underway in England, during which a group of white-clad English men challenge a group of white-clad Australian men to see who can run back and forth the most times.
This biennial tradition dates back to 1882, when Australia beat England at a cricket match and England never got over it.
However, the rivalry between the two countries is not confined to unintelligible sports. This year, classic Australian toast varnish Vegemite and its evil British twin Marmite have used the Ashes as an opportunity for some good old fashioned sledging.
Vegemite threw the first barb. Upon hearing that Marmite was handing out free jars of its spread during the Ashes at Birmingham’s Edgbaston Cricket Ground, the Australian breakfast tar took out a full-page ad in the August 8 edition of the Daily Mirror.
We wish @Marmite all the best but don’t expect Aussies to be bowled over by their antics at the cricket. So, we took action by running a full page ad in the @DailyMirror … Catch ya at Lord’s! #TastesLikeAustralia #Vegemite #Ashes pic.twitter.com/jMRJkEi63b
— Vegemite (@Vegemite) August 8, 2019
Displaying the classic red diamond and yellow background of a Vegemite label, the bold white text read:
“G’day,
“News has reached Down Under that free jars of Marmite are being handed out at the Ashes to try and prove it tastes better than our Vegemite. Are you guys barmy? Of course the English palate will prefer yours.
“You see, Vegemite is a far stronger taste, made of resilience and fortitude with a dash of cunning and guile. Vegemite tastes like back-to-back tons on your return test. Vegemite tastes like a come-from-behind victory by 251 runs.
“You lot won’t like the taste of Vegemite. Because Vegemite tastes like Australia.
“Catch ya at Lord’s.”
“Lord’s” refers to Lord’s Cricket Ground in London, where the next part of the Ashes will take place. Much of the rest of it is cricket terminology which I refuse to learn, but the message is clear: Vegemite rules and Marmite drools.
The Daily Mirror is also a British publication, so the whole thing smacks of a disrespect analogous to changing a rival school’s announcement sign to say that they’re big nerds.
Of course, Marmite wasn’t about to take this lying down. In response to Vegemite’s unsolicited jibe, Marmite also took out a full-page ad in the Daily Mirror‘s August 10 edition to deliver a simple, well-crafted retort.
This is England. This is cricket and we are the #MarmyArmy
You're toast @Vegemite ?? pic.twitter.com/acUFjfY0cK— Marmite (@marmite) August 10, 2019
“Dear Vegemite, We might not taste like Australia, but love it or hate it, we won’t be tampering with it. See you at the home of cricket. #MarmyArmy”
This is, of course, a reference to the 2018 ball tampering scandal, in which the Australian cricket team was caught trying to sandpaper a ball during a game against South Africa. Roughing up the ball affects the air flow around it, and thus how it travels. It is also very against the rules.
England is, objectively, the worse country, but this whole exchange feels like watching Indiana Jones whip out his gun and shoot the swordsman. It’s unclear whether Vegemite will respond, but Australia might be better off keeping its mouth shut for a while — at least when it comes to cricket.