Deferring or dropping out of a university course is a huge life decision. For a lot of people, it comes after months of agony, questioning, worrying and uncertainty.

If you have a friend who has told you that they’re thinking about taking some time off uni, you can bet that they’ve been going through a difficult time. That’s why there’s some things you absolutely can’t say to them.

#1 “But You Only Have X Amount Of Time To Go!”

It’s not the amount of time left in the degree that’s the worry, it’s the degree itself. When we’re studying, our degree determines the path we’re going to end up taking in life. Deferring is all about taking some time out to see if this is really where we want to be going.

No one wants to be reminded how much time they’ve wasted on something they didn’t enjoy.

#2 “What Do Your Parents Think?”

No parent ever is going to click their heels and say “thank god you’re throwing away the hopes and dreams I had for you!” Sure, they could be understanding, but they won’t be thrilled. More likely than not, you can assume that your mate’s parents are a little disappointed. Don’t rub salt into the wound.

#3 “But You’re So Good At It!”

We’re good at things for a range of different reasons – because of how we were raised, how much we studied, who influenced us, etc. Maybe we’re good because we were under pressure to succeed in this particular area? Basically, just because someone’s good at something, doesn’t mean they should pursue it as a career.

In fact, saying this might make them feel worse for letting it go.

#4 “You’re The Last Person I’d Expect To Drop Out Of Uni.”

If you’re saying this to a person, you may as well just cut the fat and say, “you’ve completely disappointed me” instead. That’s how this kind of response comes across. We know you’re trying to express that you think they’re really great and smart, but it really digs a hole. Avoid at all costs.

#5 “So What Are You Going To Do Instead?”

If they want to, they’ll let you know what their plans are. If they haven’t divulged them as yet, it might because they have no effing clue. Don’t press them for details.

While these are all things you shouldn’t say to someone who’s thinking about dropping out, there’s something you should definitely say: “No worries.” That’s it. Downplay the shit out of it. Let them know that you support them, you encourage them and you can’t wait to see what they do next. Simples.