There Is One Industry Doing Well Out Of The G20: Brothels

This weekend’s G20 summit was supposed to be an opportunity for Tony Abbott to re-use his “Australia is open for business” line in a forum where people were forced to listen to him, but instead as the big day approaches he’s started looking increasingly both out-of-touch with global concerns (I’m looking at you, climate change) and just out-and-out weak (see Putin, Vladimir and his friendly fleet of over-powered warships).

It’s almost enough to make you think that people might take his claim yesterday that “I’m focusing not on what might happen in 16 years’ time, I’m focusing on what we’re doing now and we’re not talking, we’re acting” less than seriously. And serious is what he needs given the various warning signs our economy has been sputtering out over the last couple of years.

But the Herald Sun has reported on an early good news story to come out of this weekend’s G20 – the brothels of Brisbane are cashing in. Given that for most other Brisbane-based industries the arrival of the world’s 20 most powerful leaders has brought things to a complete stand still, it’s good to know that at least one aspect of the economy is being stimulated by the occasion. According to the Sun:

“Brothel owners throughout the city say they’ve already had a busy week which could become “ridiculous” as more than 7000 leaders, delegates and international media descend for the economic summit.”

I think my favourite thing about that Herald Sun piece, beyond the air of “well I never” titillation that pervades all tabloid stories about sex, is the way that it pretty much reads like paid advertorial for the brothels themselves.

“She said discretion is key with events like this with private parking and waiting rooms for guests, in case “god forbid, they run into a work colleague… It’s all very discreet. The girls don’t use their real names, the guys don’t use their real names, it’s all cash so there’s no paper trail.”

Wow, this deal sounds almost too good to be true! I want to go to a brothel right now!

Of course, this is just the latest in a superb string of good-time stories to come out of the G20 – by some measure the most significant international political event we’ve ever held in Australia – including but not limited to:

1. Koalas are being trained for cuddles with Vladimir Putin. All the other leaders probably get a grope as well, but Putin’s the one that I really hope contracts chlamydia.

2. No surfboards allowed, dude. Also banned: eggs, loud noises, kites, flour, remote control cars and urine. Yours or other people’s.

3. Put your asses up for climate change. Linked: heads in the sand.

4. Brisbane right now is the closest thing you can get to a police state without actually visiting one. Putin must feel very at home.

5. The price tag of being head honcho of the G20? A cheeky $450 million.

6. Brisbane is pretty much empty of everyone who isn’t a policeman, protester or politician.

Friday morning, and parts of the #Brisbane CBD are a ghost town #G20 #G20Brisbane pic.twitter.com/UPClMSwHfU

— Adam Todd (@_AdamTodd) November 13, 2014

7. Oxfam have some l33t papier maché skills.

A bobblehead #G20 leader protest. @abcnews @ABCNewsBrisbane @612brisbane #inequality pic.twitter.com/H5bd74QbJp

— Shelley Lloyd (@shelleymlloyd) November 13, 2014

You can keep up-to-date with everything that’s happening at the G20 over at the ABC’s live blog.