Well, the Sydney University Dramatic Society’s purpose is to provide drama, and its latest email newsletter delivers. Big time.

It seems that the student theatre society’s outgoing publicity officers felt a bit under-appreciated in their time at the society, and they decided to air their frustrations in true publicity officer style: via the club’s email newsletter. Specifically, via an email newsletter that begins “Y’all mothercuckers ready for this?” and warns readers to “prepare your butthole, we have a year of built up resentment for you useless sons of bitches and now that we’re off the exec[utive team], you are all going cop it.”

“You pickle fucks want content? OH YOU’RE GONNA GET IT SON”

The “useless sons of bitches”, in this case, are ostensibly the other members of the dramatic society in 2018. Unfortunately, the SUDS email newsletter also has many other subscribers, including industry representatives, and also journalists (hi). Personally, I really enjoyed receiving an email this morning that addressed me variously as a “pickle fuck”, “douche-baguette” and “ABSOLUTE DILDO”, but your mileage may vary.

“You Pickle Fucks Want Content?”

Anyway, in case you didn’t have the great privilege of receiving this missive this morning, here are some choice excerpts. The email begins with the outgoing publicity officers lamenting how hard the rest of the society made their jobs (to publicise student theatre shows, if that wasn’t clear).

“Do you douche-baguettes know how many times we messaged prod[uction] teams over and over again asking for content?” the writers rage. “How many rehearsals we tried to get photos from, even going to tech runs and staying JUST to do an Instagram story? But no, apparently none of you dick knobs wants us to do our job, even going as far as to get a ‘Publicity Manager’ on their team, for them to just send us 4 photos for the whole production.”

“WELL, FUCK YOU, YOU ABSOLUTE DILDOS WE ARE FREE and you guys can suck it,” the email continues. “You pickle fucks want content? OH YOU’RE GONNA GET IT SON”.

The email’s next section is titled “No One Appreciates Us”, and it picks up smoothly where the previous section finished.

“Do you realise that without us, this society would run itself into the ground purely from lack of attendance.” There is no question mark, because this is not a question: this is a demand for justice.

“Oh that show that you think is so good and you spent so long working on? Good luck getting anyone to fucking rock up you absolute spoonhead. We put in so much fucking work purely because you lazy pricks couldn’t be arsed publicising your show and we felt bad for you having 3 people watch your wanky ‘art’.”

The Gripes Of Wrath

At this point, the email has still not ended. Instead, a new section is introduced, which is simply titled “Gripes”. Most of the gripes enumerated under this heading are focused on Officeworks, a store the publicity officers describe as “genuinely hell”.

“The people who work here are out to make your life hell,” they warn. “You can visibly see the fucking poster you’re supposed to pick up and they will tell you it’s not ready…I have literal PTSD from Glebe Officeworks.”

Another gripe is simply titled “No One Reads This”, and apparently refers to the newsletter itself, which typically features information about the society and its upcoming shows.

Finally, after many subheadings, the email draws to a close with a small disclaimer: “Sydney University Dramatic Society does not endorse the views portrayed in this newsletter, all comments are those of the writers.”

“People Love Spicy Content”

When we reached out to James Mukheibir and Camille Karski, the ex-publicity officers behind the email, they assured us that the whole thing was intended in good faith.

“For our final edition of the newsletter we wanted to do something fun,” they told Junkee, saying they were inspired in part by the Sydney University student newspaper Honi Soit‘s tradition of publishing a satirical final issue.

“At the end of the day we just wanted to make people laugh, and poke fun at ourselves,” Mukheibir and Karski said. “Our subscriber base are people who are interested in the society and that was the audience it was intended for. People love spicy content so we expect that it will be shown around but are comfortable in the style that it is clearly satire and comes from a place of love for our peers. We were very involved in the shows this year and our roasts were as much directed at ourselves as anyone else.”

“We have received many positive comments and if we have offended anyone, that was never our intention.”