Culture

Boston’s Straight Pride Parade Was Extremely Cursed

A Straight Pride Parade that could have been mistaken for a Trump rally was held in Boston this Saturday. It was even more cursed than you'd imagine.

by Amanda Yeo  1 September 2019
Straight Pride Parade Boston

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This June, during Pride Month in the US, more refuse was heaped upon this raging garbage fire planet when plans for a Straight Pride Parade were announced. Despite widespread criticism and the fact that this was a terrible idea, the event went forward in Boston on August 31. It was even more cursed than you’d imagine.

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Organised by a group called Super Happy Fun America, the Straight Pride Parade started at 12:00PM at Copley Square and snaked its way to Boston City Hall over a roughly 2.5km route.

In case the phrases “Super Happy Fun America” and “Straight Pride Parade” didn’t make it clear what to expect, this was indeed a conga line of the absolute worst, cringe-worthy, blindly ignorant and actively hateful opinions in the trash pile, soaked in bin juice and boldly waved.

Marchers carried signs displaying the most destructive and self-serving right-wing slogans in the book, as though someone was handing out terrible Bingo cards: “Trump 2020”, “Straight lives matter”, “Blue lives matter”, “Build the wall”.

Sadly there were no floats for his and her towels, gender reveal parties, “the ol’ ball and chain” or babysitting your own kids. Broke right-wing commentator Milo Yiannopoulos was there though, because of course he was.

The tenor of Boston’s Straight Pride Parade was unsurprising, considering The Independent reported in June that Super Happy Fun America’s organisers had links to far-right and white supremacist groups.

Various reports recorded the number of Straight Pride marchers at under 200, a diminutive sum compared to the crowd of over 1000 counter protesters. There was also a very strong police presence, who walked alongside the Straight Pride Parade apparently to provide protection. NBC Boston reports police made 36 arrests at the event, though it is unclear whether they were marchers or protesters.

Straight Pride marchers may point at the counter protesters as a sign that they are oppressed for being straight. However, the protesting is less because the marchers are straight, and more because they are absolute balloons.

The point of LGBTIQ Pride is to celebrate queerness despite it often being shunned or treated as lesser. Pride gives courage and hope to people struggling with their sexual orientation or gender identity. It shows millions that they aren’t alone, and tells them that there is nothing wrong with them. In a world built upon assumed straightness, this can be a powerful and life-saving message.

In contrast, straight people are not oppressed or shamed. People are not being denied work, bullied, abused, killed or driven to suicide because they are heterosexual. Nobody is suggesting straight people are unnatural, or need therapy to make them queer, or that they are inherently unfit parents. Nobody is afraid of being kicked out of their homes for being cisgender.

There is absolutely no need for a Straight Pride Parade. In fact it is actively damaging, spouting the same kind of sentiments that led to a need for LGBTIQ Pride in the first place.

Many residents of Boston condemned the Straight Pride Parade, ThinkProgress reporter Zack Ford tweeting that several businesses along the parade route had hung rainbow flags or put up signs saying “go home alt-right scum”. Counter-protesters chanted slogans such as “bottoms and tops, we all hate cops” and “Boston hates you”.

The event was also widely derided on social media. Boston’s Straight Pride Parade may be a sign of how severely messed up the world is right now, but at least we can get a few laughs out of it.