G’Day, Stephen Colbert Has Roasted Andrew Broad’s Text Messages To A ‘Sugar Baby’

You know your garbage fire sex scandal has really made it when it’s featured on a hugely popular international late night television show. In the latest episode of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Colbert spoke about the recent resignation of Australian Nationals MP Andrew Broad, including the sext that single-handedly ruined the word “g’day” forever.

Broad stepped down from his role as Assistant Minister to the Deputy Prime Minister earlier this week after a woman claiming to be a “sugar baby” told New Idea that the married man had connected with her on a sugar daddy website. “Turns out Australian politicians have career ending scandals too, except there your life goes down the toilet in the other direction,” says Colbert.

In his two and a half minute monologue, Colbert relays the woman’s account of having met Broad for dinner in Hong Kong, where he allegedly referred to himself as “James Bond” and complained about the restaurant’s prices. “Classic Bond. ‘Martini — shaken, not stirred. And I have a Groupon.'”

But the detail in the whole affair that really caught Australia’s imagination was Broad’s text messages, which read like a parody of someone trying to sext in Australian. “I pull you close, run my strong hands down your back, softly kiss your neck and whisper ‘Gday mate’,” he wrote in a widely circulated screenshot. According to the image the woman didn’t reply, which is fair.

“Well we here at the Late Show got our hands on some of the other extremely Australian sext messages that Andrew Broad sent,” jokes Colbert, before sharing some examples.

“We’ll boomerang back to my place, I’ll peel your clothes off and then softly say, ‘what say I toss my shrimp on your barbie?'”

“We’ll listen to some sweet didgeridoo, then at the moment of ecstasy I’ll shout, ‘Hugh Jackman!'”

You can watch the whole thing above.