“I Just Can’t Fuck With Scorpios”: The Funniest Shit We Overheard At Splendour 2019
People say the darndest things.
Sure, you might think that the most interesting parts of Splendour in the Grass take place on stage, where artists like Childish Gambino, SZA, Wolf Alice, and Hayden James are giving their all.
But there are plenty of moments of genius to be found out in the crowd, where the humble punter can be found. Music Junkee was on ground at Splendour for the full three days, and we overheard plenty of these, ahem, interesting moments in our travels.
Without further ado, here are the best things we overheard while at Splendour 2019.
“Is Kevin Spacey Paul Blart Mall Cop?” — A confused man on the walk in on day one
“Can I just say you three look cool. Like so fun without the fun. What a vibe.” — Appreciative punter outside the Mix-Up
“This is the land of the linen onesie.” — A Gold Bar attendee scathingly summing up Byron
“Tequila and Hydralyte is a pre-drink right?” — A true innovator on the bus in on day two
“Fuck yeah prosciutto!” — Thelma Plum giving cold cuts a well deserved shoutout
“BABY ON A LEASH! BABY ON A LEASH!” — An excitable girl outside GW McLennan, accurately describing a small child on a leash
“They’re out of mojitos.” “What? Again!?” — A very exasperated mojito lover at the bar
“Do you think they take good care of the grass here?” — A concerned environmentalist at the Amphitheatre
“IM HOLDING YOU BECAUSE I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!” — A woman trying to convince her boyfriend she knows who he is during Hayden James
“I promise you that’s not Illy.” — Same girlfriend correctly pointing out that Hayden James’ guest was not, in fact, Illy
“I crushed your pingers” — The Streets frontman Mike Skinner to one very unimpressed punter
“We went to a jazz tent the other night! It was sick coz like I like jazz but I’ve never really been into it ya know?” — A new jazz fan on the bus in on day three
“I feel like she’ll know the difference between country and folk” — Girl pointing at Music Junkee editor Jules LeFevre
“They’re even better than Lime scooters” — A Lime-loving lad describing airport Travelators on the walk in on day three
“Fuck this hill.” — An exhausted punter accurately summing up what we’re all feeling on day three
“If she’s singing ‘Can’t do human emotions’…same.” — A guy getting very real at Set Mo.
“If she’s straight then I’m a potato.” — A very confident Gaydar reader at the Gold Bar
”The first time I was here I was opening for Post Malone and I thought nobody fucked with me. SO RANDOM!” — SZA having a good old laugh midway through her set
“Those are my moon and rising signs.” — SZA giving us our astrology fix
“If you drink this tea you will shit yourself.” – A girl offering her friend a deal of a lifetime at the Amphitheatre
“I just can’t fuck with Scorpios.” — A girl laying down the astrology law at the Mix Up
“I don’t even want to check my bank account. This was my last hurrah for a while.” — A resigned guy voicing all our thoughts on the bus ride home on Sunday
All photos by Mikki Gomez for Music Junkee