Six Reasons Why The Heat Is No Bridesmaids
"Lack of Wilson Phillips" is not one of the reasons, although it could be.
Can you hear that? It’s people claiming to be shocked that a film marketed to and starring women is a hit. Shocked, I tell you. SHOCKED! Who would’ve ever believed that Hollywood could make a blockbuster movie starring two women over the age of 40 for an audience other than thirteen-year-old boys (or man-children who act like 13-year-old boys), and that it wouldn’t crumble hopelessly under the weight of all that oestrogen? Unheard of!
Of course, nobody should be surprised in the slightest. Time and time again the misguided assumption that women don’t go to the cinema in the same harried way has been debunked. Whether it’s Twilight, Sex and the City, The Devil Wears Prada, or this year’s The Great Gatsby, these films are frequently breaking records and proving robots and overly complex back-stories about wormholes tearing apart at the fabric of the universe aren’t all people want to see during the blockbuster season. Meanwhile, After Earth, The Lone Ranger, and White House Down are slumped over in the corner wishing someone would love them. Sorry boys, there’s only so much ‘sploding testosterone audiences can stand.
This conversation also happened just two years ago when Bridesmaids soared to heights higher than any of producer Judd Apatow’s other man-centric properties. Directed by Freaks and Geeks creator-turned-actor-turned-director Paul Feig, Bridesmaids was special for a lot of reasons, but perhaps the biggest was the breakout status of Melissa McCarthy. With The Heat, Feig has re-teamed with McCarthy in a violent, curse-heavy buddy-cop movie, but sadly, lightning hasn’t struck twice. Why?
1. Melissa McCarthy is better in small doses?
When McCarthy was nominated for the Best Supporting Actress Academy Award in 2011, it was a genuinely thrilling moment. She wasn’t my personal favourite of the titular bridesmaids (that would be Kristen Wiig and Rose Byrne), but it was a delightfully bonkers and outside the box nomination for a type of performance and film that so rarely get acknowledged. However, bumped up to lead roles in both The Heat and Identity Thief (which barely raised a chuckle back in April), she’s adopted a rather abrasive personality that’s hard to like. There are only so many rambling insults, violent outbursts, and rebellious ball-busting antics one can watch before it loses its appeal.
2. Sandra Bullock wasn’t even in Bridesmaids
Sure, this is obvious, but true. Bullock has always been an underrated presence in these lightweight comedies — The Heat is basically Miss Congeniality 3: On Heat! — and she does fine work here again as a straitlaced, by-the-books FBI agent who learns to let loose a little with the help of her foul-mouthed partner. Basically, what I’m trying to say is: I just wish Sandra Bullock had been in Bridesmaids somewhere.
3. The director didn’t care?
Bridesmaids was bright and colourful, with a glossy sheen that made its humble story feel bigger than it was. With The Heat, director Paul Feig appears to have phoned it in. The visuals lack snap and zest and feel rather plodding, and the action scenes are rudimentarily staged. Also, the filmmakers have gone out of their way to cast a supporting ensemble of talented, recognisable comedic names — Marlon Wayans, Tony Hale, Michael McDonald and, most notably, Jane Curtin — and given them nothing to do. What gives? Curtin especially appears to have had all her scenes scattered about the editing room floor.
4. Depth? More like out of your depth!
The great thing about Bridesmaids was the way it mined genuine human emotions for laughs, humourously acknowledging that sometimes life just flat-out sucks. It’d be foolish to expect anything like that from a cop flick like The Heat, but its attempts at cathartic moments come off as rushed and simplistic, and the mawkish sentimentality seen in the final scenes undermines the film. It’s a shame because Bullock and McCarthy could have sold it if they’d had better material. Think back to Bridesmaids’ post-shower breakdown between McCarthy and Kristen Wiig; that should have been the goal, but they fall far short.
5. It’s simply not as funny
The best joke in The Heat can’t measure up to the ninth-best in Bridesmaids. While both films boast unnecessarily bloated run-times, the laughs in The Heat are far more intermittent and inconsistent. A recurring gag about Bullock’s sweet cat lady tendencies is good for a belly laugh or two, and a few of McCarthy’s meticulous insults are too outlandish not to chuckle at, but they’re closer to Bridesmaids’ more strained gags (ie: everything with Jon Hamm, the diarrhoea sequence) than any of its really hysterical moments.
6. There are no moments as rewarding as this gif
Still, it’s not all bad. Both films have a refreshing candour when it comes to women’s sexuality. Bridesmaids was very open about the fact that women not only have sex, but that it can be good or bad or somewhere in between and it doesn’t matter… it’s just sex! It’s startlingly uncommon in Hollywood pictures for a woman’s gratification to be given equal weight to the man’s. The Heat is less sex-oriented, but I counted several uses of the words “vagina” and “cervix” without any derogatory or offensive connotations. They’re just words; deal with it.
I also liked that The Heat all but jettisons any romantic subplots. Oh sure, there’s some odd flirtation between Bullock and Marlon Wayans, but never are these women’s ambitions curbed by the dictated need to be with a man. I’m sure that whatever sequel gets churned out in a year or two will see them both shacked up, but hopefully still more than willing to strap on the armory for another dose of wham bam biffo. And hey, if any disillusioned young male sees Sandy in her spanx and realises that women don’t stay 22 forever, then maybe the filmmakers have done a job worth congratulating, flaws and all.
The Heat is in cinemas nationally today.
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Glenn Dunks is a freelance writer and film critic from Melbourne, and currently based in New York City. His work has been seen online (Onya Magazine, Quickflix), in print (The Big Issue, Metro Magazine, Intellect Books Ltd’s World Film Locations: Melbourne), as well as heard on Joy 94.9.