Culture

Please Enjoy This Story About Two Nude Dudes, A Deer, And Very Expensive Beach Day

Oh deer.

by Michelle Rennex  28 June 2021
nude sunbather deer fine covid

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NSW has had many COVID-19 updates over the last few days, but none have been quite as wild and captivating as the tale of the two naked dudes, a deer, and the $1000 rescue operation.

Oh, you’ve not heard about the two guys with their dicks out on a South Coast beach? Well, buckle in.

While doing the daily coronavirus update, police commissioner Mick Fuller casually told a story about two naked sunbathers getting scared by a lone deer and getting lost in the Royal National Park at Otford. Naked and afraid, at 6pm the two nude men called for police and SES assistance to be rescued, which is how we know this baffling tale.

The takeaway from all of this? Nothing about what to do when you’re approached by wildlife or the importance of understanding your surroundings when entering national parks. No. The takeaway was to stay home or receive a $1000 fine for breaching lockdown restrictions.

“Unbelievably, we saw two men sunbaking naked on a beach in the South Coast. They were started by a deer, ran into the national forest, national park, and got lost,” Commissioner Fuller said during the press conference. “Not only did they require assistance from SES and police to rescue them, but they also both received a ticket for $1,000.”

“Now, it’s only a small percentage of the New South Wales people that are not following the health guidelines, but I can assure you, if you breach the health orders or the guidelines, you will be punished.”

“As the health minister said yesterday, it’s difficult to legislate against idiots. But clearly putting people at risk by leaving home without a proper reason… then diverting important resources away from the health operation, I think they should be embarrassed,” Fuller continued. “But, again, they both received a$1,000 fine.”

According to the NSW Police, the naked deer boys are two of 44 people who were issued fines yesterday for breaching the current public health orders prohibiting travelling outside of Greater Sydney.

The SES, NSW Ambulance, and Polair ended up locating the nude 30-year-old wearing nothing but a backpack and the 49-year-old who was partially dressed after the pair were “startled by a deer”.

Despite their ~distressing experience~ with the single deer, the boys were fined $1000 each after getting rescued and their story became the police commissioner’s new go-to warning tale that was told to a very confused, but very intrigued, nation.

So let this be a warning tale to you: Stay home when there a public health orders telling you to do so, and don’t sun-bake naked near national parks when you’re scared of deers.

Or, at the very least, remember to chuck some pants on just before the police and rescue services find you in the middle of said national park.