If You Asked For A Dark, Brooding Version Of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Here It Is
Why would you ask for that?
’90s children of pizza, turtles and radioactive goo: you may wanna look away. The trailer for the upcoming cinematic reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was unveiled overnight, and it’s probably fair to say that your cherished memories of cheesy catchphrases and turtle dance-offs have been scrunched into turd balls and trampled in CGI dirt.
Produced by that stage-shy action maestro Michael Bay and starring Megan Fox as ’90s child crush April O’Neil and William Fichtner as ’90s child devil Shredder, the new installment — the fifth film made from the series, but the first one anyone will probably remember since 1991’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze — makes the odd choice of taking the source material seriously, with New York transformed into a frightening dystopian mess, all grey and smoky and overrun by Shredder’s foot soldiers. And then our heroes enter and everyone’s like, “Eww, what?”
I don’t know… This just doesn’t feel right without a Technotronic soundtrack or a tacked on “Cowabunga!”. Obviously, internet dweebs agree:
The film’s due in cinemas locally on September 11. The internet will be filled with the rage of a thousand nerds that day, my friend.