Hey Pope, Tell Us What You Really Think
Abortion, contraception, gays and social justice. We've trawled the internet to find out who this Francis guy is. (Spoiler: he might have kidnapped some dudes.)
It seems that Argentina, that loveable country at the Southern tip of Latin America, is particularly on trend this week. Earlier this week, Argentine football star Lionel Messi scored a glorious double to lead Barcelona to an incredible comeback against AC Milan in the UEFA Champions League; last night, that rockabilly guy on My Kitchen Rules made an Argentine-inspired “mint chimichurri” (ain’t no mint in a true chimichurri, dude), and this morning, Jorge Bergoglio, the 76-year-old archbishop of Buenos Aires, was selected as the world’s new pope: Pope Francis I.
So far we’ve been told many incredibly heartwarming facts about the new pontiff, like “he likes to travel by bus”, “he has one functioning lung” (like Method Man?), he’s the son of a railway worker, he’s an expert on the literature of Borges and Dostoyevsky, he gave up his church mansion and lives in a cosy flat and he “wakes up at 4 in the morning and goes to bed at 9 in the night”, etc etc. That’s cool, but WHAT ABOUT HIS POLICIES? Let’s have a closer look at the sh*t our new pope says on the world’s biggest issues…
Same-sex marriage and gay rights
What he said: “Let’s not be naïve, we’re not talking about a simple political battle; it is a destructive pretension against the plan of God.”
Coming from a country that has been significantly progressive on the issue of gay marriage, you might be tempted to think Francis is similarly chill. Don’t be fooled: he actively opposed the introduction of same-sex marriage legislation in Argentina in 2010. He’s also argued that adoption by homosexuals is a form of discrimination against children, saying “Everyone loses [with gay marriage]… Children need to have the right to be raised and educated by a father and mother,” a claim that drew criticism from Argentine President Cristina Kirchner, who described his thinking as “medieval”.
No touching!
Contraception
What he said: “They want to stick the whole world inside a condom!”
Judging from that weird quote, Francis’s reportedly lighthearted take on condoms should go over pretty well at papal roasts. According to reports, the new pope is “flexible” on sexual doctrine (fleeeeexible), and believes that contraception should be permissible to prevent the spread of disease.
Abortion and euthanasia
What he said: “In Argentina, we have the death penalty. A child conceived by the rape of a mentally ill or retarded woman can be condemned to death.”
Pope Benedict XVI was notoriously pro-life, often saying things like “Abortion resolves nothing, rather it kills the child and destroys the woman.” Those hoping for a more compassionate stance from Pope Francis will be disappointed. Last year he spoke out against a decision by the Argentine government to allow abortions in cases of rape, and he generally follows the ongoing Vatican-line on issues of abortion and euthanasia, describing them as “serious crimes against life and family”.
The “Dirty War”
What he said: [uncomfortable silence]
Echoing the Hitler Youth allegations that came to light during Pope Benedict’s reign, issues tying Francis to the “dirty war” that embroiled Argentina between 1976 and 1983 (during which 30,000 suspected leftists were abducted and killed) have quickly unearthed. Specifically, he was accused by journalist Horatio Verbitsky of being complicit in the kidnapping of two liberal Jesuit priests in 1976, even reportedly helping Naval officers hide political prisoners in his holiday home during an investigation from the Inter-American Human Rights Commission at the time. Also, there’s this:
Social justice
What he said: “We live in the most unequal part of the world… The unjust distribution of goods persists, creating a situation of social sin that cries out to Heaven and limits the possibilities of a fuller life for so many of our brothers.”
Much has been made of Francis’s compassion towards the poor. In the past, he’s publicly challenged free market policies and the International Monetary Fund (particularly in light of Argentina’s financial collapse of 2001) and increased his reputation amongst working-class followers by regularly visiting slums around Buenos Aires and reminding his fellow clergymen that Jesus walked with lepers and prostitutes. He’s already being referred to by some as the “pope of the streets”. Could this guy be a shaved Che Guevara in robes? Naaaaah.
Image via NBC News.
So, that’s the new pope in a nutshell: a man of the people. Unless those people are gay or women or regular condom users or two liberal Jesuit priests from 1976.