I Am The Only Person Whose Golden Globes Opinions Matter
Many people, perhaps thousands, have been waiting for me to weigh in on the Golden Globes winners.
Last year, before the ceremony, I insisted my preferences for winners not be ignored. (They were anyway.) This year, Globes Goons (that’s what we call ourselves) want to know not only who won at this year’s awards, but also who should have won. Answering both of these questions can be fraught. If the answers aren’t the same, you’re essentially ripping a prize out of a possibly very deserving person’s hands and giving it to someone else. That’s an uncomfortable position to be in. But this is the Golden Globes we’re talking about. This is serious.
So these are the people who should have won because I wanted them to win. Not in some journalistically analytical awards season horse race kind of way. More in a cosmic justice kind of way. As in, if there was justice in this cruel, cold world, what I want to happen would happen. Because what I wanted to happen very often did not happen, you might be inclined to argue that there is in fact no justice or truth or decency to be found on this planet or any other. Normally, I wouldn’t get in the way of that argument. But it’s a little early in the year for such dire bleakness, so I’m going to put it aside and charge ahead.
Here we go!
Best Motion Picture – Drama
Anatomy of a Fall
Killers of the Flower Moon
Maestro
Oppenheimer
Past Lives
The Zone of Interest
Who Won: Oppenheimer
Who Should’ve Won: Past Lives
I was going to choose Killers of the Flower Moon. It had its flaws, which the team themselves were honest about, but it is an incredible, deeply disturbing story and I loved it. That said, Martin Scorsese usually makes really good movies and so I feel like the bar should be higher for him. Past Lives might be considered a greater achievement because it came out of absolutely nowhere and was so beautifully done. And almost nothing happens in it. That’s something.
Oppenheimer might be great, but I haven’t seen it. It’s taking forever to become available to rent, so it’s losing points for that. I’m not spending $75 or whatever on iTunes to buy it early. That’s nuts. The Zone of Interest or Anatomy of a Fall are both great. Probably. I haven’t seen them either. Maestro had a prosthetic nose, but it’s going to take more than a prosthetic nose to win in this prestigious category according to me.
Best Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy
Air
American Fiction
Barbie
The Holdovers
May December
Poor Things
Who Won: Poor Things
Who Should’ve Won: The Holdovers
I am sure Poor Things is great — a fact I’ll confirm once I’ve actually seen it. Until then, my favourite movie of the year was probably The Holdovers. It’s funny and touching and reminded me of movies from the early 2000s, before the reality of what it means to be an adult in this world came crashing down around me.
Best Motion Picture – Animated
The Boy and the Heron
Elemental
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
The Super Mario Bros. Movie
Suzume
Wish
Who Won: The Boy and the Heron
Who Should’ve Won: The Nightmare Before Christmas
They’re beautiful, but a lot of the Studio Ghibli movies go way over my head. And I haven’t seen TBATH. But I did watch TNBC the other day and it was a lot of fun. Like, A LOT of fun.
Cinematic and Box Office Achievement
Barbie
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
John Wick: Chapter 4
Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One
Oppenheimer
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
The Super Mario Bros. Movie
Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour
Who Won: Barbie
Who Should’ve Won: A Sack of Money
This is a new award for the movie that made the most money. Finally! But if we’re going to reward the unrelenting pursuit of wealth, we should’ve just handed a statue to a bag (or box) of cash. One of those sacks with a big dollar sign on it. Maybe it could be brought out by someone that looks like the Monopoly Man.
And then everyone, people in the audience, people at home watching on TV, have to stand up and applaud the money. We must clap for it. Because the worship of wealth is undeniable. We don’t want to love it, but we do. We have to. But one day we’ll fight back and create a new, cashless society, where bills are paid with poetry and goods can be exchanged for smiles and laughter. Who will your Big Box Office prize go to then?
Best Motion Picture – Non-English Language
Anatomy of a Fall, France
Fallen Leaves, Finland
Io Capitano, Italy
Past Lives, United States
Society of the Snow, Spain
The Zone of Interest, United Kingdom/USA
Who Won: Anatomy of a Fall
Who Should’ve Won: Past Lives
Look, I hear really good things about Anatomy of a Fall and The Zone of Interest. But I. Haven’t. Seen. Them. Also, Past Lives knocked me down, then picked me up, then knocked me down again.
Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
Bradley Cooper, Maestro
Leonardo DiCaprio, Killers of the Flower Moon
Colman Domingo, Rustin
Barry Keoghan, Saltburn
Cillian Murphy, Oppenheimer
Andrew Scott, All of Us Strangers
Who Won: Cillian Murphy
Who Should’ve Won: Barry Keoghan
As discussed, I have not seen Oppenheimer. I’m sure Murphy’s great. He is in most things. But Keoghan sacrificed for his craft. Maybe I’m a radical, but I think it’s time that the kind of bravery it takes to become intimate with soil should be rewarded.
Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
Annette Bening, Nyad
Lily Gladstone, Killers of the Flower Moon
Sandra Hüller, Anatomy of a Fall
Greta Lee, Past Lives
Carey Mulligan, Maestro
Cailee Spaeny, Priscilla
Who Won: Lily Gladstone
Who Should’ve Won: Lily Gladstone
As much as I loved Greta Lee, this was Lily Gladstone’s year. Her performance was just too big, too important, to be denied.
Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy
Fantasia Barrino, The Color Purple
Jennifer Lawrence, No Hard Feelings
Natalie Portman, May December
Alma Pöysti, Fallen Leaves
Margot Robbie, Barbie
Emma Stone, Poor Things
Who Won: Emma Stone
Who Should’ve Won: Jennifer Lawrence
I know Emma Stone was good. I’m sure of it. She was great in The Favourite, also directed by Yorgos Lanthimos. But I haven’t seen it yet because it came out a few hours ago. That is not my fault. I did see No Hard Feelings, though, and it was one of the best movies of the year. Lawrence was hilarious in it.
Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy
Nicolas Cage, Dream Scenario
Timothée Chalamet, Wonka
Matt Damon, Air
Paul Giamatti, The Holdovers
Joaquin Phoenix, Beau Is Afraid
Jeffrey Wright, American Fiction
Who Won: Paul Giamatti
Who Should’ve Won: Paul Giamatti
Joaquin Phoenix was hilarious in Napoleon, but Beau Is Afraid is, I’m told, a different movie. Giamatti picks up where his fantastic Sideways character left off. He plays deep, dark disappointment so well in The Holdovers. The ache is still with me.
Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role in Any Motion Picture
Willem Dafoe, Poor Things
Robert De Niro, Killers of the Flower Moon
Robert Downey Jr., Oppenheimer
Ryan Gosling, Barbie
Charles Melton, May December
Mark Ruffalo, Poor Things
Who Won: Robert Downey Jr
Who Should’ve Won: Charles Melton
Melton was remarkable in May December. A lot of the movie might make you feel like it’s not taking this (based on a true) story seriously, but then it throws Melton in there and he bears the burden of just how messed up it all is. Also, he plays someone who’s still alive and tries to give him some dignity. He’s also incredibly handsome. Did you see him at the show? Yikes.
Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role in Any Motion Picture
Emily Blunt, Oppenheimer
Danielle Brooks, The Color Purple
Jodie Foster, Nyad
Julianne Moore, May December
Rosamund Pike, Saltburn
Da’Vine Joy Randolph, The Holdovers
Who Won: Da’Vine Joy Randolph
Who Should’ve Won: Da’Vine Joy Randolph
Randolph’s performance was so good. When she has that breakdown in the kitchen? Come on. Julianne Moore and Rosamund Pike were also very good. Unfortunately, they weren’t in The Holdovers.
Best Director — Motion Picture
Bradley Cooper, Maestro
Greta Gerwig, Barbie
Yorgos Lanthimos, Poor Things
Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer
Martin Scorsese, Killers of the Flower Moon
Celine Song, Past Lives
Who Won: Christopher Nolan
Who Should’ve Won: Celine Song
Past. Lives.
Best Screenplay – Motion Picture
Greta Gerwig, Noah Baumbach, Barbie
Tony McNamara, Poor Things
Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer
Eric Roth, Martin Scorsese, Killers of the Flower Moon
Celine Song, Past Lives
Justine Triet, Arthur Harari, Anatomy of a Fall
Who Won: Anatomy of a Fall
Who Should’ve Won: How many times do I have to say it? Past. MFin. Lives.
Best Original Song – Motion Picture
‘Addicted to Romance,’ She Came to Me, Music and lyrics by Bruce Springsteen
‘Dance the Night,’ Barbie, Music and lyrics by Mark Ronson, Andrew Wyatt, Dua Lipa, Caroline Ailin
‘I’m Just Ken,’ Barbie, Music and lyrics by Mark Ronson, Andrew Wyatt
‘Peaches,’ The Super Mario Bros. Movie, Music and lyrics by Jack Black, Aaron Horvath, Michael Jelenic, Eric Osmond, John Spiker
‘Road to Freedom,’ Rustin, Music and lyrics by Lenny Kravitz
‘What Was I Made For?’ Barbie, Music and lyrics by Billie Eilish O’Connell, Finneas O’Connell
Who Won: ‘What Was I Made For?’ by Billie Eilish
Who Should’ve Won: ‘Chaise Longue’ by Wet Leg
This is just a great song. I don’t know if it was in any movies. Maybe the video game one? Doesn’t matter.
Best Original Score – Motion Picture
Jerskin Fendrix, Poor Things
Ludwig Göransson, Oppenheimer
Joe Hisaishi, The Boy and the Heron
Mica Levi, The Zone of Interest
Daniel Pemberton, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
Robbie Robertson, Killers of the Flower Moon
Who Won: Ludwig Göransson, Oppenheimer
Who Should’ve Won: Robbie Robertson, Killers of the Flower Moon
How are you dealing with the fact that we haven’t even reached the TV categories yet? I’m not handling it well. Not well at all.
Best Television Series – Drama
1923
The Crown
The Diplomat
The Last of Us
The Morning Show
Succession
Who Won: Succession
Who Should’ve Won: Succession
Succession is so much better than all these shows (the three I’ve seen — I won’t say which) it’s almost embarrassing. Why even bother to show up?
Best Television Series – Musical or Comedy
Abbott Elementary
Barry
The Bear
Jury Duty
Only Murders in the Building
Ted Lasso
Who Won: The Bear
Who Should’ve Won: Veep
I can’t believe we still have to talk about this in 2024, but The Bear is not a comedy. And as far as I can tell, it’s not a musical. The very existence of these Golden Globes “Musical or Comedy” categories is a slap in the face to two artforms that deserve a lot more respect, especially comedy. It’s incredible that these awards changed ownership, got rid of the HFPA, but continued the abominable “Musical of Comedy” charade. Terrible. Also, remember Veep? Great show.
Best Television Limited Series, Anthology Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
All the Light We Cannot See
Beef (Netflix)
Daisy Jones & the Six
Fargo
Fellow Travelers
Lessons in Chemistry
Who Won: Beef
Who Should’ve Won: Beef
Sometimes you just have to feel these things out and Beef feels like the most interesting show on this list. It also feels like the only one of these shows I watched last year, which is heavily working in its favour here.
Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Series – Drama
Helen Mirren, 1923
Bella Ramsey, The Last of Us
Keri Russell, The Diplomat
Sarah Snook, Succession
Imelda Staunton, The Crown
Emma Stone, The Curse
Who Won: Sarah Snook
Who Should’ve Won: Sarah Snook
If anyone related to Succession is nominated, they should win.
Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Series – Drama
Brian Cox, Succession
Kieran Culkin, Succession
Gary Oldman, Slow Horses
Pedro Pascal, The Last of Us
Jeremy Strong, Succession
Dominic West, The Crown
Who Won: Kieran Culkin
Who Should’ve Won: Kieran Culkin or Brian Cox or Matthew Macfadyen or Jeremy Strong or Nicholas Braun
As they were all in Succession.
Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy
Rachel Brosnahan, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Quinta Brunson, Abbott Elementary
Ayo Edebiri, The Bear
Elle Fanning, The Great
Selena Gomez, Only Murders in the Building
Natasha Lyonne, Poker Face
Who Won: Ayo Edebiri
Who Should’ve Won: Anyone who can restore dignity to comedy.
Her acceptance speech was delightful, but Aya Edebiri was funny in things that were actually comedies last year, like Bottoms. That said, I haven’t seen the second season of The Bear. Maybe it’s suddenly turned into Seinfeld.
Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy
Bill Hader, Barry
Steve Martin, Only Murders in the Building
Jason Segel, Shrinking
Martin Short, Only Murders in the Building
Jason Sudeikis, Ted Lasso
Jeremy Allen White, The Bear
Who Won: Jeremy Allen White
Who Should’ve Won: Drew Tarver, The Other Two
The Other Two was actually a comedy. And it was really funny.
Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Limited Series, Anthology Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television
Riley Keough, Daisy Jones & the Six
Brie Larson, Lessons in Chemistry
Elizabeth Olsen, Love & Death
Juno Temple, Fargo
Rachel Weisz, Dead Ringers
Ali Wong, Beef
Who Won: Ali Wong
Who Should’ve Won: Ali Wong
Beef was a really unique show and Ali Wong was very good in it. Unhinged, wounded, fierce.
Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Limited Series, Anthology Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television
Matt Bomer, Fellow Travelers
Sam Claflin, Daisy Jones & the Six
Jon Hamm, Fargo
Woody Harrelson, White House Plumbers
David Oyelowo, Lawmen: Bass Reeves
Steven Yeun, Beef
Who Won: Steven Yeun
Who Should’ve Won: Steven Yeun
At some point, we have to ask ourselves: Was there really a show called Fellow Travelers? Yeun was great in Beef. Vulnerable, complicated, flawed.
Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role on Television
Elizabeth Debicki, The Crown
Abby Elliott, The Bear
Christina Ricci, Yellowjackets
J. Smith-Cameron, Succession
Meryl Streep, Only Murders in the Building
Hannah Waddingham, Ted Lasso
Who Won: Elizabeth Debicki
Who Should’ve Won: J Smith-Cameron
I can’t believe someone that was in Succession didn’t win something. Smith-Cameron is so good as Gerri.
Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role on Television
Billy Crudup, The Morning Show
Matthew Macfadyen, Succession
James Marsden, Jury Duty
Ebon Moss-Bachrach, The Bear
Alan Ruck, Succession
Alexander Skarsgard, Succession
Who Won: Matthew Macfadyen
Who Should’ve Won: Matthew Macfadyen or Alan Ruck or Alexander Skarsgard or Brian Cox or Kieren Culkin or Nicholas Braun or Peter Friedman or Scott Nicholson or David Rasche or Arian Moayed or Fisher Stevens or Rob Yang or any extras from Succession.
Best Performance in Stand-Up Comedy on Television
Ricky Gervais, Ricky Gervais: Armageddon
Trevor Noah, Trevor Noah: Where Was I
Chris Rock, Chris Rock: Selective Outrage
Amy Schumer, Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact
Sarah Silverman, Sarah Silverman: Someone You Love
Wanda Sykes, Wanda Sykes: I’m an Entertainer
Who won: Ricky Gervais
Who Should’ve Won: Greta Lee
Ricky Gervais didn’t even bother to show up. If you’re too good for the Golden Globes (and he isn’t), you shouldn’t get the award. Instead, it should have gone to Greta Lee, who was so good in Past Lives I can’t stand it. That little movie was so sad and sweet and completely caught me off guard.
There. Doesn’t that feel good? Doesn’t it feel… right? I know. I feel it too.
Nick Bhasin is the Managing Editor of Junkee. His debut novel, I Look Forward to Hearing from You, published by Penguin Random House Australia, is out now. Follow him on Instagram or Twitter (he’s not calling it X).