Finally, Someone Has Come Up With A Way To Turn Your Dead Body Into A Playable Vinyl LP

Vinyl, it’s all the rage these days. Both musically-inclined nostalgics and aesthetically-oriented hip kids have fallen hard for the crackly allure of needles on acetate. Each day brings a new article on the burgeoning “vinyl revival” and the inexplicable increase in LP sales figures (not to mention your favourite bar and cafe, whose heavily bearded proprietors are now more likely to be spinning some classic tune from a turntable rather than a CD deck, just for kicks).

It’s no surprise then that things have come to this: For just £3000 (that’s $5041 AUD based on today’s exchange rate), a UK company called And Vinyly will “press your ashes into a vinyl record”. Rather than sitting in a lame urn on top of the TV, your dead remains can finally rest alongside cool shit like your Beat Happening and Husker Du originals or your mum’s frayed copy of Abbey Road.

Your dead body in record form can hold up to 24 minutes of audio (12 minutes on each side), and can include any audio recordings of your choosing or, as the website mentions, “complete silence to let loved ones hear your pops and crackles.” Thankfully, the service is also available to pets and “body parts”, if you’d like to test out the service but can’t yet imagine filing Grandma Harriet’s deceased body alphabetically alongside your Harry Pussy 7-inches.

We’re not sure how someone didn’t come up with this earlier. Imagine how nice it’d be to spend all those added moments alongside loved ones, your cremated body fuelling the musical joy at fun family dinner parties… Well, at least until you start randomly skipping and they ship you off to the local secondhand shop to live alongside all those old forgotten doo-wop, ’80s funk and John Cougar Mellencamp records. Such is life, and such is vinyl.

Could make you pretty fuckin’ dizzy, too.