The Fight Isn’t Over Yet: A Call To Arms For Allies, Mates, And Anyone Against The Plebiscite

My first proper memory of desiring a woman is in Year 10 music class. She was out and proud, and for closested baby queer me, that was enough. I was sure we were meant to be together. Or at least, have a pash.

But when I spoke to her, my excitement was overwhelmed with panic. I couldn’t discern whether my heart was beating fast because I had a crush or because I was ashamed of how I felt. Walking home from school I would simultaneously talk myself into admitting I was gay while also convincing myself it was “just a phase”. I swore myself to secrecy and never told anyone about it. At some point later that year, I developed a crush on a boy. I buried conflicting feelings as deeply as I could and sank into the palpable relief that I was straight and could just get back to having a great time being a love-crazed teenager.

It took almost ten years to ask myself again: was I gay?

Last night, the plebiscite was voted down in the Upper House, 33 votes to 29. After watching the anti-plebiscite campaign build, it seemed inevitable. But at the beginning, the plebiscite was a very real threat and I started having conversations about being queer that I would not have otherwise had. I found myself coming out time and time again because I didn’t know how else to demonstrate that homophobia is still so real and insidiously closeted me until very recently this year.

However, what did excite me during the campaign was seeing non-queer friends and family passionately and articulately mounting arguments against the plebiscite. After spending almost a decade internalising homophobia and having my bisexuality erased to such an extent that I couldn’t even see it privately, this was a surprise. Of course, I still had to explain the basic tenants to equality to some family friends and mates’ partners, but broadly, it seemed people “got it”.

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This is exciting, but it’s not the victory we need. The plebiscite is a battle that we never should have had to fight and I now want to get back to what we started. Many of those allies are also people who I have had to explain marriage equality to. I have had to talk them through the fact that should I fall in love with a man and decide to spend my life with him, the doors of marriage are open. But should I have that exact experience with a woman, we will find those doors closed whether we decide to knock or not.

Ireland, South Africa, the USA, Brazil and so many more have gone before us. We’ve knocked back a plebiscite which queer Irish activists have told us, in hindsight, they could have gone without. But now it is time for all those allies, friends and families who stood behind love and against hate, to rally forward.

It’s time to email or call or message your local MP and senator. You can tell them how happy you are that the pleb is dead, but that you now want positive action. Tell them you want marriage equality for everyone in Australia. It is totally possible for this to get through by Christmas.

I want to stand alongside my parents, my queer community and my straight pals at a rally demanding my right to determine my future. We can’t afford to confuse knocking out a hate campaign with winning a future for equal love.

This year I came out to my father at a pub over a conversation about marriage equality. I’d love to end the year raising a glass with him because we got equal love through Parliament. It won’t be the last fight for LGBTIQ equality, but it’s a step we’re almost there on because allies, friends and family are fighting with us. If we keep on pushing together, maybe next year, a queer kid in their dorky music class will fall head over heels and won’t worry that there is no future for that kind of crush.

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Dana Affleck is an organiser/campaigner from Melbourne. She is passionate about social change and community power. You can hear about the projects she’s working on and what she cares about on Twitter @danamariesa