‘The Feed’ Want You Kids To Meet The Ultra Bae And Turnt New Minister For Youth

Recently, Scott Morrison won the federal election. You mighta heard something about that.

Morrison’s first order of business — aside from giddily wandering about the place and saying, ‘fair go’ a lot — is assembling a new cabinet, which he has done in exactly the manner in which I assembled that Ikea cabinet I got a few years ago: as in, mostly very badly.

Credit where credit is due: somehow, Morrison is the first Prime Minister to ever appoint an Indigenous person to the role of Minister for Indigenous Affairs, which is the kind of infuriating sentence that you have to really try to keep it together after reading.

But if you were hoping that Morrison might apply the radical principle of appointing people from the relevant communities to ministry positions, you’d be shit out of luck. For the role of Minister For Youth, the Prime Minister has picked 61-year-old Senator Richard Colbeck, who is approaching the very upper end of extremely not young and is a decade or so away from passing into actual retirement.

Needless to say, that really sucks. Young people in this country have a distinctly shit time of it, facing down a future ravaged by the effects of climate change, and blighted by less access to housing, money or secure jobs than their parents.

But hey, don’t be too down — those folks over at The Feed have released a totally real and definitely not satirical “interview” with the Minister For Youth, and as it turns out, he is totally bae, turnt, and shoey-friendly.

“For all you people who are salty about a baby boomer getting the Youth Minister’s role, it’s not suss, it’s bae!” ‘Colbeck’ jubilantly announces, before outlining his plans for less FOMO and more SCOMO.

See? Turns out that we had absolutely nothing to worry about after all.