An Extremely Boozy, Sweary Four-Course Lunch With ‘The Katering Show’
We talk sexism, plans for a movie, high school fingering and that time McLennan flashed her tits at the Logies.
COURSE THREE
spiced and brined pork scotch, preserved lemon and hazelnut jus, greens and onions
broccolini, harissa yoghurt, macadamia
‘fattoush’
tomato, mint, roast garlic, baked bread
cracked wheat pilaf, zucchini, olive, walnut
McL: I’m gonna have some rice.
McC: It’s cracked wheat. *Points around table*. That’s broccolini with some chickpea bullshit and some shaved nut.
McL: You’re a shaved nut.
Mysterious waitress we’ve never seen before: How is everything?
All: Good, thanks.
McC: Who was that? I think my Year 11 History teacher just came over. Was she making sure we weren’t copying each other’s work? I don’t understand.
McL: “How are you going, girls? Little too much laughing going on over here. Can I go to the bathroom? No, you’ve already been.”
McC: *Pokes harissa yoghurt* I’m going to be shitting tonight.
Coming back to the show, one of the best running jokes in season two is about the Logies. I loved that — are you gunning for the gold?
McC: I’ve been to the Logies! Have you?
McL: I have, but I don’t even know how I got invited. We were seat fillers.
McC: Do you think that will happen to us? We’ll just scramble at the last minute to get a Jenny Bannister dress? I just want hair, makeup, free booze, Gold Logie. That’s all I want. It’s a simple checklist.
How was the Logies night you went along to?
McC: I don’t even know. I was so far back I was embedded in the back wall. I remember being in the toilets and seeing tonnes of Home and Away people walking around at boob height. They were in the toilets to ‘wash their hands’. *Winks aggressively*
McL: I went in whatever year it was and sat with Dan Ilic right up the back. I got so drunk before the doors even opened. I was so nervous. Do you remember that store Diz n Goth [I do not, and thus do not know if this is the right name]?
McC: It was terrible. It was like German industrial techno in a dress.
McL: Also with a Japanese vibe somehow. So I went and bought this dress that was kind of actually a skirt. I hoiked up the waistline and tied up the arms like a halter. This woman called Julia Blake who was in Bed of Roses at the time — an older actress — was sitting next to me and she said “I love your dress”. I said “Thank you, Julia. It’s actually a skirt!” I parted the waistband of my dress thinking that was still covering my boobs but it had slipped below. She was staring directly at them so I said “Thank you Julia” and just showed her my tits.
Because she was older, I tried to cover it. I said “Oh my goodness, I do believe I just flashed my breasts at you”. She said “That’s alright, darling. I’m in the theatre, I’ve seen it all”.
McC: She is the best.
She really is.
McL: So yeah, this was our little secret. We want to go. That line at the end of episode one [“How do the Logies work? Blowjobs”] was improvised though.
You haven’t left much time to get an invite.
McC: There’s not much time left for me to get the Gold Logie.
McL: Maybe we won’t even be eligible. They can’t even cope with Lee Lin Chin and Waleed Aly getting nominated; how will they deal with someone doing a web series?
McC: Yeah, but we are white.
McL: That’s true. We do have that working for us.
Who do you want to win this year?
McL: We like Waleed. We’ve met Waleed! He’s very good looking.
McC: I didn’t say that. I didn’t say that because I wouldn’t be able to express how good looking he is. He’s amazing. His wife is amazing. His kids are amazing.
…What do you know about his kids?
McC: We’re best friends.
*I leave my phone on the table and go to the bathroom*
McL: [speaking to McCartney] No, you can’t. What are you doing? We can’t. Oh can we?
McC: [leans into recorder] Meg, we’re taking a photo.
McL: What did it look like? We can’t see it. Let’s do another.
McC: Okay.
McL: AHHH she’s coming back.
I found this on my phone later that night.
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COURSE FOUR
turkish delight-filled doughnuts, rosewater honey
halva parfait, summer peaches, yoghurt ice cream, sesame tuille
McC: Oh, come on. FUCK. *Starts eating anyway* What the bloody fuck am I eating? This is good.
McL: I think that’s Shane Delia over there. Please don’t come over.
You know each other though!
McL: I don’t think he’d remember me. They played a clip of The Katering Show at that panel and he turned to me and said [deep goofy man voice] “You’re such an idiot”.
This has been great though. Maybe when your interview comes out we can say we only do interviews over lunch. That you’re paying for. Maybe next time we can go somewhere where McCartney can eat too. We’ll go to that carwash.
McC: I floated that idea but then the publicist said it might get racist.
McL: It’s only racist if you’re being racist. You’ve really been toning that down lately.
McC: We’re not racist.
McL: *Leans into recorder* WE’RE NOT RACIST. We’re scared we’re going to get Rebel Wilsoned. HOW OLD ARE YOU, McCARTNEY?
McC: I’m 100 percent 35. I’m worried people are going to say “So, you’ve just come out”, and I’ll have to say “Uh, no. I’ve been out since my early twenties”.
This is from the show — the wedding episode where you talk about being bisexual.
McC: Yeah, I feel like that’s maybe what happened with Rebel Wilson. She never contradicted the record.
McL: It’s interesting that people go out of their way to make a story out of it. That’s probably what’s going to happen to us. The witch hunt is a-comin’.
McC: You can only be popular and a woman in Australia for so long before they tear you down.
McL: We’ve had our time. We’ve had our moment in the sun.
McC: There’s a bullet with our name on it.
*Shane Delia spots the table and walks over*
Shane: Oh, hey! How was everything?
All: It was so good!
Shane: Glad to hear it.
*Shane smiles, wishes everyone well, and walks off taking a six-pack and a bottle of wine to his brother’s house just like the very nice guy he seems to be*
McL: 100 percent, he couldn’t place us.
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The Katering Show‘s second season is now available to stream on ABC iView.