Budget 2019: The Official Junkee Drinking Game
"Have a Drink on Me" is also an AC/DC song.
Tonight’s the night, folks: once again, it’s federal budget time. And if you think you’re not ready to go through this again, spare a thought for the poor budget tree, which hasn’t even had a chance to change.
Based on the government’s comments so far (not to mention their snazzy new graphic design), it sounds like we’re getting a surplus for once. Given that Josh Frydenberg’s been out there bragging about achieving this surplus without raising taxes, we expect to spend this evening hearing about more than a few funding cuts.
We’ll leave the analysis of said funding cuts for later, though: for now, as promised, we’ve updated our annual budget drinking game for 2019. Stay safe, drink responsibly, and we’ll see you on the other side.
Every time someone mentions the surplus: pour a fucking surplus of alcohol to demonstrate that not all surpluses are inherently good.
Every time someone mentions “average Australians”: Show you totally relate by smashing a true blue VB.
When all the Liberals in Parliament go “hear, hear”: take a shot so you do not, in fact, have to hear them.
Every time you hear the words “agile”, “innovative” or “energetic”: Do a jager bomb.
When you see Scott Morrison’s new budget-themed album cover for the first time: break out that black label. Haven’t seen it yet? Here you go:
Every time someone mentions the long run: Have some water — you’re in this for the long run too.
Every time Bill Shorten attempts to zing the government: Down your entire beer, but take 16 seconds to do it.
When you see Scott Morrison’s new budget-themed album cover for the second, third or thirtieth time and start to wonder whether the pose is a subtle homage to Engadine Maccas circa 1997: drink.
When the government inevitably fucks over young people: Goon of fortune.
Whenever someone mentions “fiscal responsibility”: try to drink responsibly? We need you to remember tonight when the election comes.
When you remember this budget is basically an election stunt, and the government likely won’t be around to follow through on most of it: shots.